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stephanietberry

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work in progress, #2 [Dec. 8th, 2009|09:41 pm]
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work in progress 2


work in progresss 3

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work in progress, progress in work [Nov. 25th, 2009|11:54 am]
Two weeks ago I was scheduled to attend an art market, but my plans were thwarted by a minor emergency. It's quite true that, emergency or not, my creative endeavors are often thwarted--by sick children or a busy husband or my own lack of energy--and that this has been a source of ongoing conflict in my relationship with my husband.

His contention has been that I am responsible for the true origin of these creative blocks, and I can acknowledge that there is truth to this. But I have held that he bears some responsibility for this as well, because he often makes himself unavailable to the family, and to me, because of his work load, much of which is truly unnecessary and unprofitable. He is a man of many endeavors, one of which pays the bills. And while I can get up to my studio while the kids play, there is also this strange magnetic quality to being a mother. They are drawn to me, they sense my absence and seek me out, with crises and questions, when I am in the studio. So his presence is very helpful. My husband and I have gone round and round about this, with my frustration and his defensive only growing.

The afternoon of the aforementioned failed art market attempt, I was outside catching Abby the leaping-over-the-fence goat in my nice jeans and heeled boots, stewing over the fact that once again my creative energies had been thwarted. Above me in the forest I could hear a murder of crows cawing madly.

They're after a hawk again, I thought. They are very close. I should go see.

They were directly above me, on the wooded slope where my studio sits. I walked up the path, and within minutes I could see them all, crows and hawk, perched in the tall oak by my studio door. The crows were aggravated and flapped their dark wings, as if they were generating a storm around the hawk. As I drew closer, the hawk alighted and flew out of the forest, crows pursuing. In its fierce claws dangled a snake.

This was all significant. Consider the Hawk, Lord of the Skies, fed by the Snake, Daughter of the Earth, and harassed by the Crows, mischief-makers and denizens of the Shadows. I gathered my supplies and sat down and sketched the scene I had just witnessed.

Since that event, my husband went on a five day vacation with our friend George. While he was gone, things shifted at home. I went for a not-so-annual physical and was prescribed thyroid medication. The result of taking said medicine has been that I now have the energy not only to get up to my studio in the afternoon, but also the energy in the evening to clean my house. It would be fair to say that this has transformed my daily life.

Also while he was gone our son Bert decided to homeschool. High School had become a daily adventure in failure, and when he was home in the afternoon all his stress came out--on us. Now he is his laughing self again, and we are working together to find the learning opportunities that best fit his bright and capable self.

Last but not least, little Renee dreamt on two consecutive nights that she was flying. After the first night I told her that if she realized she was dreaming, she could take control of the dream. So on the second night when she found herself flying right outside the bedroom windwon, she decided to go flying over the river. Yesterday evening, while in the studio, I realized that this was a scene I must paint for my daughter.

Before J left on his mini-adventure with Goerge, we revisited once again, and not pleasantly, the conflict surrounding my blocked creativity. I explained to him that it was like we were both juggling so many balls, and for me to be able to pick up my creative work, I needed for him to put down some of the things he was juggling. This analogy seemed to communicate my perspective to him in a way that heretofore I had been unable to accomplish. I think that this newfound understanding, coupled with his time away and my thyroid medication, has helped us get over this hurdle, and I have gotten BACK in the studio.

And so this week, I began to paint that scene, of the hawk and the crows:

work in progress

work in progress 2
Check back after Thanksgiving for more updates on this piece. And have a warm and heart-filled holiday.

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of sylphs and crescent moons [Nov. 22nd, 2009|03:02 pm]
Yesterday was endowed with a profound yet subtle magic.

Badger came to visit, with his Dad. They stood in the doorway, tall as giants and as gentle, too, mirrors of each other in spirit, one in his youth, the other endowed with the silver crown of age. They were on their way to a family reunion in Chapel Hill and made it a point to come and visit Berrytown. Badger is a dear friend, the kind of friend whose presence enlivens your soul, and so it was a very good thing indeed that he and his Dad made their way to our door.

I had the house clean and lunch was in the oven: roasted vegetables and quinoa with corn. While the vegetables finished cooking we walked down to the river in the slanting gold of the Sun on a November afternoon. It was a little parade: my daughter Renee, Badger, his dad Mac, me & my canine shadow Oscar, and Frost, the magical white cat (the link takes you to the story of why he's a magical cat). As we walked I told Badger about my new year-long project of painting a biodynamic farm throughout the cycle of one year. About how Gerda the milk cow inspired me with her presence. About how in biodynamic farming a cow's horns are thought to receive cosmic energy. And how a cow is perhaps the keystone of agriculture, for not only does she pull in this cosmic energy with her horns, she also eats the grass of the Earth and then eats it again in a meditative way, digesting it in her four stomachs, and then revitalizing the Soil with her manure. Badger and I are both Tauruses. We talk about the crescent moon, and the horns of a cow, both being symbolic of receiving cosmic energy, a subject near and dear to our hearts. Here, for visual import, is Badger's Facebook profile picture:

badger



Renee and Mac hunted for golf balls in the river (there is a golf course upriver), Renee going so far as to step into the river, trying to fetch the gleaming white orbs from the golden brown river bottom. This proved somewhat difficult for her, as the water was no doubt bone-chilling and the balls were at a depth beyond her reach. Badger and I stood on the cluttered, dry stones at the river's shore and talked about Rudolf Steiner, who was the founder of biodynamic farming, as well as founding anthroposophy and Waldorf education.

"I've got his book How to Know Higher Worlds to read on my break," he told me in his deep baritone voice.

"Are you serious?" I laughed. "I'm reading it too! I just started it though, but isn't it true, what he says about devotion and reverence? How essential these qualities are to Life, and how absent they are from our culture!"

Suddenly I was bubbling with words. I had to tell Badger about the book The Kingdom of the Gods and about the string of events that let me to this book. How I picked The Findhorn Garden up off the shelf one night, for some easy bed-time reading, and found myself reading again the communications from the Nature Spirits. I was struck with the magic and importance of their existence. How had I forgotten this?

I told Badger about how the next day as I went about by work it occurred to me that I might ask the Nature Spirits to help me find my cat Mandolin, who had been missing for over a month. It was just a thought, like a breeze passing through, and I raised my flag in that breath of air and asked that favor. Twenty-four hours later I was walking down from my studio and McKinley runs up to me. "Johno found Mandolin! Johno found Mandolin and he brought her home!" Walking next door to thank him, a monarch flew in front of me. I asked the Nature Spirits for this I thought. And now a monarch dances on the path before me! It landed in the grass, and there was Johno. I gave him a great big hug.

"But wait, there's more!" I laughed. Because after this I asked the Nature Spirits to help me find a calligraphy pen that I'd lost back in early Summer, and twenty-four hours later, in the course of the day, there it is. And then, in the course of a conversation with my sister, about rats in her backyard no less, the subject turns to fairies. And she has a list of books someone gave to her on the subject, right there on her counter. Three books: The Secret Life of Plants, The Secret Teachings of Plants, and The Kingdom of the Gods.

The first two books I have. I've read most of both of them, though a thorough reading of both seems required at this point. The last book I've never heard of, and so I order it.

Now, standing by the river with Badger, the sycamores standing in the sky, the Black Mountains stretching behind us, I tell him about the watercolors in the book, watercolors of tree-spirits and mountain gods, of oceanic gods and healing angels. I can sense the spirits shimmering in the tops of sycamores, and the mighty goddesses chanting high above us at the mountain peaks. Everything seems infused with Life.

mountain_deva


an illustration from the book



"I think when you get that kind of cooperation like that, it's definitely a sign that the Nature Spirits want to work with you, " Badger says. "Human beings are meant to be a bridge between two planes."

I think about biodynamic farming, and humans creating something that otherwise wasn't possible by being truly present--to the meditative work of creating biodynamic preparations, for instance. In my mind an image appears of the human chakras that I saw just the day before, energy moving up from the Earth, through the rainbowed body, illuminating the star-like crown chakra. And of course, Cosmic life-force enters through the crown chakra, moving downward.

chakra

It's time to go back. Badger rolls up his jeans and steps into the river, retrieving three golf balls for Renee, who receives them as treasures. We walk back. By the time we are at the mailboxes I realize that Frost the magical kitty has not joined in the return parade, and so I set back to find him. The Sun is low in the sky, bathing a field with gold. I pause for a moment, in the solitude, searching the grasses for my cat. A thin-bodied breeze rattles a small patch of the goldenrod standing brown in the field before me, then moves through me, the body of a sylph caressing my skin, moving around me, and on through the sycamores to join the river, and I am present to the moment, to sentience of air and golden light and river, knowing I am blessed and guided in a world filled with more Beauty than I have yet imagined. The task before me, I know, is to imagine it, feel it in the depths of my bones, and then paint it.
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Job Description [Nov. 15th, 2009|10:29 am]
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Summary
The artist is responsible for maintaining a healthy, receptive relationship with Nature and her Daemon, so that she might bring into being creative works that are both relevant to the evolution of humankind and healing to the relationship between humankind and nature. Though this is her larger goal, it must also be performed on the stage of her own life and is thus always in that context. The artist must make her work available for to an audience to complete the cycle of creation.

Core Practices
A relationship with Nature is best nurtured with significant amounts of time spent outside. The artist is expected to keep a garden and take daily walks. Night walks are especially beneficial to a receptive relationship with Nature. The artist must attune herself to the spiritual elements of Nature, and find ways to honor them.

The artist must also maintain her own physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Walks in the woods, journal writing, and meditating are essential daily practices.

The artist must then transcribe her experiences, both inner and outer, onto a substrate. This act brings into form the energy of her relationship with Nature, exploring that mystery while never caging it. The process of creating the artwork also makes this experience available to others. She must spend significant time alone in the studio engaged in this process.

The artist should make her process open and available for others. She must keep adequate records of her creative process, both with photography and journaling, which should be posted on her website. Any stage of her process that she feels must be kept secret should later be discussed in depth once she feels the particular piece or project is complete.

Studio Practices
The artist must keep her studio clean and free of clutter to insure the flow of her work. She should not allow other personal work to infringe upon her time or space in the studio, though she may allow visitors as long as it is conducive to her work.

The artist must experiment with other media from time to time so that she may keep her work fresh and evolving on a physical level.

The artist should always keep fresh, inspiring music and podcasts available in the studio. This increases stamina and mental engagement in the work.

The artist should utilize the loft of the studio for dreaming, which often provides guidance and material for her work.
The artist should keep an altar in the studio dedicated to her Daemon, thus acknowledging that she is one figure in a collective creative process. The altar should be kept clean and replenished with found objects from Nature.

Office Practices
The artist’s office is where she produces prints and other material objects derived from her studio work. Because this space overlaps with other non-artist functions it is essential that it be kept clean and very well-organized.

In keeping with her commitment to the healing of the relationship between humankind and Nature, the artist seeks out and utilizes the most eco-friendly materials and equipment available to her.

The artist designs assorted materials that make her work available to a wide-range of people. Whenever possible she produces her materials by hand, holding the intention that the work blesses and inspires others. She markets these using internet technology, as well as other word-of-mouth methods. She keeps good business records and replies to customer’s communications quickly and thoughtfully. She maintains a practice of writing thank-you cards to customers.

Physical Requirements
The artist is engaged in work that is rooted in the second chakra. She must therefore remain attuned to the health of all her charkas, but most specifically the Sacral chakra. She must regularly partake of herbs that she feels will strengthen her body. She must remain active and strong.

Compensation

The artist must practice gratitude for any and all compensation received, as it is indicative of a creation cycle well-completed. She must not become focused on one aspect of the cycle, and must maintain adequate energy in each aspect. To that end, a growing level of energy in each aspect would naturally increase her compensation.
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Welcome, November [Nov. 4th, 2009|09:39 pm]

sky above sheep



I began a year-long project yesterday, when I visited Green Toe Ground, the biodynamic farm of my friends Nicole & Gaelan. I didn't get to spend a lot of time there, but I got some nice photos Gerda, their cow, and more importantly, learned a little bit more from Nicole about biodynamic farming.

I got this wild idea to do a year-long project of paintings exploring biodynamic farming back in September, when I attended the annual farm dinner at Green Toe Ground. Now this farm dinner thing is absolutely magical, and not something I would ever want to miss. First off, Nicole and Gaelan can cook. And all the food is so impeccably fresh--you're eating right on the farm!--and more than fresh incredibly delicious. Definitely some of the best meals I've ever had have been at Green Toe Ground Farm. Plus, the South Toe River winds below you, the tents are set up, and the candles are lit. What better ambiance could you ask for?

But there's something else about their farm, more subtle, but growing, it seems, year by year. Something perceived in a different way, something I can't quite put my finger on, something alive and harmonious. This year that something kept pulling at me--I kept turning around in my chair, looking out over their fields, wondering.

I'd already fallen in love with Gerda, their cow, on the walk to the farm dinner. We were passing the barn when my friend Whitney suggested we say hello to Gerda, who had contributed so much to this meal. There she loomed in the dark of the barn, a massive figure, her presence filling the space. I was mesmerized. Standing next to her, I offered her my hand. Her thick, coarse tongue caressed my hand. When we left she bellowed--such a tremendous noise--and that was it. I was in love.

So over dinner I determined I would paint Gerda, and over the next few days my fascination with their farm sprouted into an idea. I could follow the farm for a year--beginning with Samhain, the traditional Celtic New Year--and paint the farm over the cycle of the year. I want to capture that aliveness and harmony that I felt so clearly the night of the farm dinner. I also wanted Nicole to be a part of this project, having read her accounts of farm life over the years, and asked her if she would contribute some of her writings to the project. She agreed. So at the end of the year we'll put together a small book of my paintings and her words. It's going to be a magical year.
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Witch Hazel blooming [Nov. 1st, 2009|08:54 pm]
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witch hazel
witch hazel, blooming along my road

bloom close-up
bloom, close-up
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Home Education--a snippet [Oct. 20th, 2009|02:07 pm]
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We're in our third month of home education with Renee and McKinley. McKinley swears up and down that he never wants to return to school. Renee misses her friends sometimes, but LOVES being able to sleep late. We've also been able to make room for extra activities: piano, soccer, and a homeschool co-op in Asheville. After co-op on Mondays we buy discount groceries at Amazing Savings and then go visit my sister and her son, who is the same age as McKinley. I've really enjoyed visiting with her on a regular basis.

This morning, piano practice came before breakfast. McKinley went first. His initial resistance to piano is melting a little, and his fingers seem naturally adept. At times he will say he doesn't want to take piano, but he also pestered me to get lessons, so he's just going to have to deal. Besides, playing piano has always been such a blessing to me. It may be that they receive the same nourishment, if they just stick with it.

Renee followed McKinley. At first she was cheerful, but she despises my correcting her, collapses with frustration, and covers her ears when I try to sing a particular part of the piece she's learning. By the end of her practice she is alternating with whining and crying, and I'm having none of it.

We're learning piano by the Suzuki method, and at the bottom of each practice sheet is a little Suzuki quote: "When nurtured by love, much can be accomplished." I don't think this is what he had in mind--this battle of wills between Renee and I--but I'm not going to let up on her. I feel like she needs this sort of challenge. "Use your third finger," I say repeatedly. "No, it goes like this," I remind her again. "Tuck your thumb under there," I say as a demonstrate. I keep my cool, she doesn't. She's as stubborn as me, and doesn't want to be told how to do something. I don't want to break the stubborn-ness, but there are times when it really doesn't serve her. Or me.

After breakfast we studied a photograph from the book "Earth from Above." This is an all around great book. There's 365 photographs, with a paragraph or two to provide more information. We find the location of the photo on the globe, read the paragraph, and then study the picture for more details. Today's photo, for instance, was of a small village enclosure in Mali. McKinley found Mali rather easily, and then Naba, the city which was nearby. There were fix or six round adobe huts with thatched roofs and some other assorted buildings, all surrounded by a rustic fence comprised of scrap wood. Closer inspection revealed children playing in a tree, a donkey ("Look, Mom, it's an ass," grins McKinley), a cow, a woman carrying something on her head, and rows of grain on the outside of the enclosure.

Then a walk in blazing Autumn sunshine. We practiced our times tables as we walked. At one point they started getting their answers correct, and after that they wanted to quit. I pushed a little bit, and then had them ask eachother math questions. They did this for a little bit, asking harder questions than I had asked of them, and then became distracted with the creek, the changing leaves, the zippers on their coats.

At the creek they built dams with rocks and leaves. The sun was brilliant and it was very pleasant. I think tomorrow I will bring my journal and write while they play. It's such a lovely spot.

Back at home we did a few pages in our math workbooks while listening to Mozart. Then they read independently for thirty minutes while I made lunch. Now they are playing the wii, and in a few minutes we will depart for piano.

It's just a snippet of a day, and of a journey we are taking together. So far, so good.
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last pumpkin [Oct. 17th, 2009|09:38 am]
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last pumpkin
pumpkin blossom

The forecast skipped frost and headed straight to snow. I went out to the garden yesterday to see what I could harvest before the cold. I had abandoned gardening since September or so, and walked with some trepidation through the gate. Everything was beautiful, in its own chaotic way. I'll have some winter greens to harvest, and I discovered that the valerian that I'd planted had done rather well after all. I put one pumpkin in my basket, lots of curling red cayenne peppers, and a bunch of wild mint. The mint is drying in my dehydrator right now, smelling lovely.

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Autumn Colors [Oct. 13th, 2009|07:05 pm]
Rock Creek
I'm having lots of fun with my new camera, and lots to learn! I took this photo today while Renee and McKinley collected moss for McKinley's very cool vivarium.
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Work in Progress (Emptiness) [Oct. 13th, 2009|06:21 pm]
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I'm back in the studio, after a flu-induced hiatus, finishing up some older paintings while I also paint the interior of my studio white. Everything is so chaotic in my space because of the renovations I'm undertaking! It's enough to drive a woman mad. But once I enter the realm of the painting, everything melts away and my focus is entirely on my work.


Here's the piece "Emptiness: the view from Clingman's Peak"


emptiness in progress

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flu & fluff [Oct. 10th, 2009|11:17 pm]
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So this is my third day of having the flu--h1n1 in all likelihood, but who's to know? I'm not paying to find out. And really, there's little reason. It's not that bad, as far as flu's go (flus? that just doesn't look right), but it does seem to be dragging on forever--the aches and LOW energy. I've done nothing but surf the net for three days straight now. I am not much smarter for it (though I have learned a lot more about the thyroid and iodine, as well as vitamin b6), and I've gotten only minimally better at Bejewelled Blitz. Though I did have some moments of hysterical laughter over on youtube watching the fail blog videos.

McKinley and Renee are sick too, and J seems to be on the tail end of it. He's been sick since Monday, but was only down and out for one day. The rest of the time he's been operating at about 30% capacity. Poor McKinley was sick for his ninth birthday! What a bummer. He's been a good sport about it, and both of them have been marvelously un-whiney. They just sit around and play wii, (Thank the heavens I decided to get one of those! It's indispensable at a time like this!) or curl next to me and roast with fever.

Perhaps tomorrow I will have the energy to step out on my deck and take some pictures with my new camera. Or not. I'm not too worried about it. I mean, what can you do? You've got the flu, so you wait.

Back to bejewelled. Stay well!
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happiness [Oct. 7th, 2009|08:54 pm]
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What comes today [Oct. 6th, 2009|09:31 am]
is my new camera--a canon rebel xsi! I haven't had a camera for months, and I haven't had a nice camera for even longer. It couldn't come at a better time. Tomorrow is McKinley's ninth birthday, and the fall colors are starting to really pop here.

Also my website re-design is nearly complete. I decided to put wordpress on my site, and for the last few weeks I've been chipping away at css and html to get the details right. I have a little sidebar widget for a photoblog, a functional gift shop (well, almost--I need to fill in the pages, but that is mostly a matter of copy and paste), and I was able to import my entire blog from livejournal. With comments, tags, links, and photos! How cool is that?

You can take a sneak peak at the nearly-finished site here: http://www.woodbyrd.com/wordpress

Have a marvelous day, everyone! You'll be hearing (and seeing!) more from me soon!
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a Simple Sunday [Sep. 13th, 2009|09:17 pm]
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I woke this morning with the first lines of the song "The Labouring Man's Daughter" ringing in my thoughts. I know the song from Karan Casey's album "Songlines," but it's been awhile since I've listened to it. Curiously, I've noticed lately that some mornings I wake with a song in my head, even remembering melodies in those first, fresh moments that I can't recollect once I've fully awakened.

I sang the opening line while digging potatoes with J and Renee and McKinley today--"A nobleman's son, he dreamed such a dream..." wishing to sing it right, and wishing to sing it all. The September sun was hot, and the shade under the poplar tree cool and breezy, so we took breaks often. Toby the dog caught the wrinkled leaves Renee threw up in the air, and he ran around the yard with leaves in his mouth as if it were a prize, McKinley running and slipping behind him.

Some laundry and some reading rounded out a mellow Sunday afternoon.

Right now McKinley is tenderly helping Renee brush out her wet hair. They're wearing Dad's t-shirts for pajamas. She asks him, "Will you help me with my hair everyday?" and he agrees to this as he carefully arranges the hair around her shoulders--a rare display of tenderness towards his sister. We pile on my bed and begin the final book of the Chronicles of Narnia, "The Last Battle."
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Workshop [Sep. 11th, 2009|03:37 pm]
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I spent nearly the entirety of yesterday at Penland School of Crafts participating in Creative Capital's Professional Development workshop. Here's a few gems from my notes:

Promoting your work is not about selling it, it's about communicating what you love to the rest of the world. --Jackie Battenfield, one of three workshop leaders and author of "The Artist's Guide: How to Make a Living Doing What You Love"

If you're not getting no's you're not asking enough  --Colleen Keegen, workshop leader and Powerful Woman.

Procrastination is an intelligent response to having too much to do. --Colleen Keegan

The workshop was divided into four sessions: 
  • Strategic Planning,
  • Promoting Your Work,
  • Communication Skills, and
  • Art Business Management. 
The session on Strategic Plannning was delivered by Colleen Keegan (Powerful Woman) and Beverly McIver, Successful Artist.  They stressed repeatedly the importance of having a plan, reinvesting in yourself, and managing your time well.  At the end of this session I felt like I had received a full yet well-measured dose of art-success steroids. 

The workshop leader for Promoting Your Work, Jackie Battenfield, had fire behind her eyes!  And she delivered a lecture that put the fire back in mine.  Once again the importance of having a goal, and a plan to achieve that goal, was stressed.

The remaining two sessions were given to smaller groups, as you had your choice of four different lectures.  I chose Communication Skills with Colleen Keegan, which if nothing else proved to me how important this skill is, and how I very much need to read "Getting to Yes"  by Bruce M. Patton, William L. Ury, and Roger Fisher. And Art Business Management with Beverly McIver gave me some very helpful information about time management, gallery contracts, and grant opportunities. 

So this morining I got down to the nitty gritty.  Knowing full well that Time Management is non-existant in my life, I sat down with J, coffee at hand, a notebook in my lap.  I know when my "peak time" to work is, and after a little bit of sorting, we figured out a schedule that would meet our needs.  I put it all in the computer, and emailed J a PDF of his schedule. 

Now it's on to the "Strategic Planning Workbook" , which "formalizes individual gosl-setting, time management, and financial plannimg."




 

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the Overwhelm-ment [Sep. 8th, 2009|11:13 pm]
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On Thursday I have a workshop on Professional Development at Penland School of Crafts. I'm looking forward to it, albeit a little nervous, too. But a good nervous. I've been working slowly but surely on painting my studio and revamping my website. Squeezing in a little art here and there, but also blocked by my own negative thinking.

My sister came over on Saturday, and it was nice for her and Walker to come out and see us. We snacked on raspberries and mulled over how we want to do too much, as in everything. We've only got this life, so far as we are conscious of anyway, and for me there are raspberries to grow, and potatoes and garlic, plus the fall garden; and goats to raise, and chickens; there's two houses and one studio to maintain; there's children to raise, and homeschool; there's art to paint, and poems to write, and a website with which to share it all...the list goes on, really, but the point is that it gets overwhelming. And that's what I've been lately--overwhelmed, and stressed about it all. And so I've been trying to sort out how it is that I'm supposed to do all this stuff and actually feel good about it, instead of feeling like I'm constantly not getting anything done.

Yesterday I had a little epiphany. It seems like this always happens, if I'll just relax enough to let an answer come through. I remember reading somewhere how the mind can conjure up an experience. If you just let your mind delve into that memory or imagining, then at least according to a brain scan it's like you are experiencing the real deal. So I've been chewing on that. Chewing on uncontradicted thought. Trying to practice that.  Reclaiming the joy of being alive.  I'm not quite there, but I'm on my way to that space, and it feels good.
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dreaming white, dreaming blue [Sep. 5th, 2009|09:50 am]
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I've been painting lots this week. Walls. Studio walls. Making them white.

I've been wanting to do this since my studio was built, some four years ago. A purchasing error left me with beadboard that was glossy, and thus virtually unpaintable. I should have sent it back straight away, but it seemed at the time an ungracious thing to do. Finally I am making my studio look the way I had first envisioned it, thanks to one gallon of toxic primer. White the walls are becoming, one stroke at a time. After that, I paint the plywood floor blue. And after that, J builds me some shelves that will fit along the slanting walls of my studio, which is an A-frame.

I can't decide if I'm more excited about the walls, the floor, or the shelves. The shelves will be three feet deep at the bottom, which means I will finally have a place to put all my art papers and prints. It means that my studio won't be cluttered, and that I'll have space on the top to display beautiful things. But the transformation of golden brown walls to crisp white is phenomenal, and once that floor is blue it's going to be delciously French-linen crisp.

I have to remind myself of all of this, because the in-between stage is maddening. Stuff is piled everywere, and not just in the studio. I've got so much going on and it's still not enough. And to that end, off I go, for laundry and clutter calls on Saturday mornings.
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Naming Trees [Aug. 25th, 2009|09:15 pm]
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Last night, somehow, the conversation with Renee and McKinley turned to talking with trees. McKinley was disbelieving that communication with trees was possible, and Renee said, "No, they don't talk with words, they just flash it into your mind." This delighted and astounded me.

Today we measured the circumference of some of the trees behind our house. We set up a little graph and put down the species, if we knew it, or our best guess if we didn't, along with the circumference of the trunk, and a name that we came up with for each tree. The largest was a Northern Red Oak, which Renee immediately identified, though I was having a hard time finding the leaves they were so high up and mingled with other leaves. It measured 128.5 inches around. Because it stands above our home, like a guardian, we named it Grandfather Oak. Also of note were the two deciduous magnolias. I wasn't sure what the name of the species was, just that they were deciduous. McKinley named the first one "Bigleaf." Turns out there actually is a Bigleaf Magnolia, Magnolia macrophylla, though I think that this particular tree is the magnolia species more prevalent in the Appalachians known locally as Cucumbertree--Magnolia fraseri.

McKinley also spotted some marvelous mushrooms, so I ran down to the house and got Peterson's Guide to Mushrooms, and found a match:  old man of the woods.  Then we found another cluster of them, and began seeing mushrooms everywhere.   Hopefully we'll get a chance to draw some of these Old Men tomorrow, as well as collect more data on our trees.  We've only got so much time for green leaves, and I want to do some leaf rubbings, especially of the Cucumbertree--the leaves are extravagantly large.  (Next Spring I simply MUST paint one of these trees in bloom.) 

OK.  That's all for now.


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What's New [Aug. 18th, 2009|09:31 am]
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It's the dog days of August. School has started back. What this means is that Rae (18) and Bert (nearly 17) are off to school every morning before I get up. What's new is that Renee and McKinley are not off to school every morning, because we are homeschooling.

I've done this before, with Alex and Rae and Bert, for four years. Looking back it was insane and our saving grace at the same time. Insane, because having three kids home for schooling and two babies (while also helping run your husband's business) is enough to make anyone crazy. Saving grace because I came so late into the lives of my older three kids (the oldest was 9, the youngest was 6), and we definitely needed time to bond. That wasn't my motivating reason when I decided to do it. The deplorable schools they were attending made me do it. But there was also this gut feeling that it was just something I needed to do. And I can see now how it really did help us bond in a very deep and meaningful way, and we all needed that.

Now, of course, it's a little different. I'd been thinking about homeschooling all summer, when I noticed how McKinley seemed to blossom back into happiness once school ended. He'd been eating his shirts daily at school. I'd buy him new shirts and they'd come back perforated around the neck. Plus he was saying he wanted to homeschool again, "As long as you don't push me so hard, Mom", he said. We had tried it, just he and I, at the beginning of the last school year, but it unraveled in mutual frustration. Plus there was the fact that he would have the same perforating-inducing teacher this year, as she was moving up with the class. And though I didn't know what teacher Renee would have in her class, I know she's been bored. Both my kids are wonderfully creative, and though our little mountain school is brimming with lots of loving teachers--and great student-teacher ratios--like most public schools they just don't have any real creative programs for the kids. It's music half the year, art the other. That's it. The only really creative teacher there was Renee's teacher last year.

So, we've decided to homeschool. Actually, we've decided to mostly unschool. The idea there is to let the interests of the children be the north star of their learning, rather than dictating to them what it is they need to learn. There's a lot of experiential learning, too. But what I want to do most is to really just enjoy life with my kids. Because kids are great at reminding adults that life is supposed to be joyful. Let's throw age out the window here. We all have things to learn from each other. We are all eternal beings. I teach you to respect your elders, you teach me to appreciate the moment.

Last Tuesday we went to Joyce Kilmer Memorial Forest, the last (?) stand of virgin timber in the East. This led to a conversation about the Cherokee and the Trail of Tears, a subject which has held their interest since then. So last night we read a little about the Trail of Tears on Wikipedia, and then I ordered a collection of books for our reading, some about the Cherokee's way of life, some about Cherokee history, and some about the Trail of Tears. I also found some books at our library--a Cherokee cookbook, a book of Cherokee arts and crafts, etc.--AND I found a podcast that teaches some basic Cherokee language.

What I find interesting thus far is how large a role conversation has played in our unschooling. On the way to Joyce Kilmer, for instance, we had a long conversation about the atomic bomb--the damage that it did, how it was dropped, why it was dropped. It seems such a natural way to learn--you have a question, you explore the answers.

The other new thing is we bought a Wii off craigslist, something I said I'd never do. But I started to reconsider when earlier this summer Bert borrowed a friend's PS2 for two weeks. For the first few days he and McKinley played on it constantly. I got a bit irritated with this imbalance and instituted a reading rule. Read to play, basically. And it worked! I'd come down stairs and there they would be, noses in books. So far I've been massively pleased with the Wii. The package we got included the balance board and Wii fit, and I've had a lot of fun utilizing it for exercise every morning. And it's so much more interactive than the PS2--there are boxing matches at our house every night now, as opposed to shouting matches. A change for the better, I'd say!
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the Divine Peach [Aug. 4th, 2009|09:59 pm]
We planted Winterwunder lettuce today. And finally I planted my little goji berry bushes, which I got months ago and have only now the clarity on where to put them. Then I began cleaning out the garden. The borage plants have fallen over completely and lay like clouds of blue flowers across paths and garden beds. I chopped them at the base and took them to the back end of the garden to compost, hoping they would bless the soil there with borage cheer, for this is one of its fine qualities. The paths are overgrown with grass and weeds, and I wacked away at those too, making good progress. I have lots of green tomatoes, and baby butternuts, too. It’s rained so much I wonder if these have gotten the sunshine they need to ripen.

Already I’m planning for next year. There are a few herbs of which I’d like to grow a more harvestable crop—valerian, butterfly weed, nettle, and Echinacea come first to mind. There are areas of the garden that need to be revitalized, and as always new places to grow things. And still there’s many herbs to be harvested before August 7th, which is, according to archeoastronomy, the exact date of Lammas. After this there will still be things to harvest, but the window for herbal vitality will be closing. Then it will still be the season of elderberries and elecampane roots.

The more I gather from my garden, the more I harvest from the fields and slopes around me, the more I find myself woven with mystery. Yesterday we ate our first peach of the season. I haven’t eaten but one commercial peach all year, and this made it all the more remarkable. What alchemists plants are! To take the same soil and sun and rain and make each its own miracle: leaves fortified with iron, as with kale, or gold flowers endowed with medicine, as in calendula (which is the queen of my garden right now), or the sweet perfection of a peach. I can’t help but think that our culture of mass-produced food has taken away not only the vitality of our food, but also our own vitality, for what can compare to the experience of eating something as rare and fine as a peach grown on your own land? No matter how perfect the South Carolina or California peach, it is just a peach. It has traveled from some unknown tree to your kitchen. But to know the tree, and the miracle of its fruit, which has survived late Spring snow and wind and grown from a hard green pebble to a robust blushing fruit, and then to eat that miracle—there is nothing like it. It is precious and joyful and fine.

And it is the peach chopped into bite size pieces to share with Renee, and the bee balm flowers dried and now stored in a mason jar, smelling of heaven, and the St. John’s wort tincture sipped by my worry-minded husband till he tips over into cheerfulness—all these gifts and thousands more have become my rituals, the means by which I know the divine.

Tonight’s dinner: vegetables with lentils over pasta, splashed with ume plum vinegar and sprinkled with feta cheese. The vegetables were onions and carrots, grilled artichokes and sundried tomatoes, plus yellow beans, basil, thyme, and chard from the garden. The lentils were seasoned with miso as well, which rounded out their flavor nicely.

I hope tomorrow to have enough half and half to make homemade peach ice cream. Yummm.
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Late Summer, Autumn Comes [Aug. 3rd, 2009|11:04 am]
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In my calendar, which is rooted in the old Pagan wheel of the year and informed by ancient Chinese medicine & philosophy, Autumn is at hand. I could sense the transition days ago, as the light tilted golden in the late afternoon under clouds that had given rain on and off all day. There was, quite simply, something in the air, a barely perceptible shift. But last night, with all the windows open, the air had tiny teeth of cold, and now it is not so difficult to imagine what is sure to come, the thinning of the green, the yellowing of September, the rush of October, and then, the bite and howl of Winter.

It makes the last days of Summer so precious. We went swimming on Friday at the Rock Creek swimming hole, a half a mile’s walk from our home. It’s deep, and mostly shaded, and the water comes pouring off of Mount Mitchell, so it is cold. Here Renee began swimming about on her own, and gleefully wrote in her journal which we made together, “I learned to swim!” We went crawdad hunting, and discovered a monster six-inch crawdad, which we all tried to catch, but his pincers were so intimidating that we were all too hesitant. The horses from the neighboring field came stepping down to the rocks, their hooves cluttering about on the stones, and McKinley stood there with his hand outreached for that soft velvet treasure of a horse’s nose. There is something magical about this swimming hole. We don’t go so often, because it is so cold, but when we do, there is always a gift to be received.

There is a lot going on here, as always, but with Winter approaching, certain projects are receiving more attention. Last Summer we started the project of renovating the North end of the house, which includes the main entry, the pantry, and a bedroom. The whole thing had to be gutted—only the roof was salvageable, and so one year ago we ripped out the walls and the flooring and the windows, dug a new and adequate footer, built a half-wall of block, poured a concrete floor, and framed in the walls. But we ran out of funding for the project, and couldn’t get windows. J spread Tyvec on the outside, covering the frames for the windows, and we insulated it, too, but for a year the space has been dormant of any real activity. Until now. Windows will be here in a week. The pantry is framed in, as is the bedroom. Drywall is hung on the ceilings. Now there remains some plumbing to be attached to our woodstove, as a back-up source of hot water. The woodstove is on the other side of the bedroom wall, and the pipes go from the woodstove through the wall to the utility room, where the radiant floor pipes and the solar collector pipes and the storage tank all come together.

Then there’s the Autumn/Winter garden. I ordered seeds last week, and they arrived a few days ago. I’m very excited about this, as I’ve never really had a late season garden before, and would really like to be able to harvest greens through all but the coldest of months. To that end I’ve purchased seed for the most courageous of lettuces, as well as corn salad, arugula, pac choi, beets, scallions, tah tsai, kale, turnips, spinach, and parsnips. And of course, garlic. I don’t have room in the garden for all this right now, so I’ll be planting some of them in flats, and I know there will be a great garden shuffle before it’s all said and done, but what fun it all is!

There are other projects that beg completion before Winter bites down hard. A woodstove in my studio. The South porch enclosed. Assorted painting jobs. And while it seems odd to be thinking of these things when the Sun is blazing, now is the time. September will be too late.
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Panorama [Jul. 22nd, 2009|05:42 pm]
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Mount Rogers Panorama
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Grayson Highlands State Park [Jul. 22nd, 2009|08:50 am]
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on camping with kids, with pics of wild ponies )
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Timing [Jul. 17th, 2009|10:09 pm]
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Renee and I set out early this morning (nine o'clock is early, I don't care what you say) for Asheville to purchase the big tent we found on Craigslist. Renee was especially excited because today was finally the day that she would get the stuffed puppy I promised her last week for being brave and going back into the ocean after being clobbered by a wave. We shared a nice bagel breakfast and ran a few errands--brandy for tinctures, bat guano for my houseplants & seedlings, and a fuel filter for my car--before meeting up with the woman with the tent.

With that brandy I started a batch of catmint tincture, which I've found to be a lovely, gentle sleep aid. I also gathered in my basket another harvest of hyssop flowers and a radiant batch of golden and orange calendula flowers. My fingers were sticky with their resin--that's where the medicine is for this delightful herb. Then I bundled them up in groups of seven and hung them to dry over my bed:


 
Yesterday I put in my handy dehydrator big bursting blooms of bee balm, as well as horehound, sage, and hyssop.  This afternoon I put the dried herbs into jars and put some sage on to dry, along with more hyssop and more bee balm blossoms.  Walking up to my bedroom the smell of sage lingered at the top of stairs, where all the hot air pools, lingering with a bit of hyssop.  Delicious.  Hanging in that hot air are also bundles of lavender and smudge sticks of white sage, hyssop, and lavender.  Ah, summer.

I weeded some of my garden, and thought a lot about how helpful it is to always be with the Moon.  When it's New, I ask myself, "What do I need to sow?"  and when it's Full I ask myself, "What do I need to harvest?"  Sometimes the answers to those questions have nothing to do with the garden, but I'm well aware that the garden is teaching me timing, something about which I have still much to learn, and the delight of being present to the moment while planning for the future.  Next Wednesday is the New Moon, and with it I'll plant collards and other greens.  In the meantime I'll need to be cleaning up my garden for that.  Every Spring little borage volunteers woo me, and I let them grow, and now, of course, they are massive and falling over with tiny blue stars on fuzzy stems.  Plus there's grass and weeds galore from my week at the beach, apparently it rained every day here, and now it's been raining every night.  I hear it cascading down in my sleep and nudge J--"Skylight, babe, shut the skylight...it's raining,"  and he lumbers out of bed and shuts the skylight over our bed.

The past few days have been infused with Summer Joy--bike riding with my boys up Rock Creek to watch them frisk in the water, catching crawdads in the river, snakes and more snakes, the wind whipping up a storm of chokecherry leaves that streamed towards me from the East while I worked in the garden, and the clouds tonight full of faces and figures, edged in pink against a darkening periwinkle sky. 

 

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The River, with Snakes and Damselflies and assorted surprises [Jul. 16th, 2009|09:31 am]
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In the afternoon light we crowded down to the river. The turk’s cap lilies are blooming now, and damselflies dressed in velvet black and iridescent blue flit among the tall drooping orange flowers. McKinley remarks how much he loves that damselfly blue every time he sees one. We walked on to The Point, where Rock Creek flows into the Toe River. It’s a unique place with rocks piled high by the creek as it flows into the river, making a sort of island. And just downstream of this the river is smooth and wide and perfect for water play.

We swam a little, and then hunted for crawdads and juvenile Northern Water Snakes. McKinley found a snake, and we gathered around and watched it weave among the nooks and crannies of the rocks, coming up for air here and there until it found a secluded spot from which to breathe and hide from us.

The snakes are really gorgeous, with russet brown bands over a creamy gray, and the way that they move so gently through the water and among the rocks is quite captivating. McKinley and I discussed the possibility of actually trying to catch this snake, but the chance never came. And anyway, there were also crawdads to catch, and a jar to put them in, and so, once our snake had found its hiding spot, we began seeking out good crawdad spots, turning over rocks and peering into the gloss of water. We ended up catching seven, I think, and then transported them to our aquaponics tank.

The aquaponics tank is J’s experiment, though it has us all fascinated. It’s a series of four tanks, which are actually blue barrels cut in half. The highest tank is a water barrel cut horizontally, and it drains water into two barrels cut lengthwise. In these two barrels, which are more like troughs, there’s gravel, and plants. The water pours through the gravel and nourishes the plants before it drains to the bottom tank, which is filled with some goldfish, and now, seven crawdads. The fish poo nourishes the plants, the plants filter the water. There’s a pump in the fish tank that pumps the water up to the highest tank, and once its filled, it gushes out to the plants, where it then trickles back down again to the fishes. It’s quite the fun experiment.

When we left the river and headed back up our little lane/driveway McKinley nearly jumped out of his skin. “Snake! Snake!” he yelped, part with excitement, part with adrenaline rush. I ran up to him and found a four foot snake looped about in our driveway. I discovered shortly after this encounter that it was an adult Northern Water Snake, but at the time I wasn’t sure what it was, just that it wasn’t poisonous. McKinley was not convinced of this and kept saying it was a copperhead. Meanwhile the snake was clearly nervous with all these humans crowding around it. Then my dog Oscar, oblivious to what was underfoot, came and stood right next to it, one of his back paws actually half-stepping on it. With this he spun around, gave a good sniff, and became the towel I had wrapped around me and spread it out. Amazingly it slid right onto the towel, which I then folded over. Of course, the excitement amongst McKInley, Renee, myself, and the dog was over-the-top, and we were all making exclamations in loud enough of religion in my childhood, and that was just Southern Catholic religion, nothing involving arsenic and rattlers. And anyway I wasn’t keen on discovering if I had enough God in me to keep any snake from biting me, poisonous or not. I suppose I just wanted to see if I could catch it, and I did, and then it slid right out, within inches of my feet, and I let out a high-pitched scream, which is my biological response to a rush of adrenaline and thereby completely uncontrollable. I also scream for mice, which don’t scare me at all, and roaches, which I find reprehensible.

So the snake escaped its encounter with the Berry’s, and we survived our encounter with a large and docile water snake. The day wound down in its slow summer way, with a fine dinner of beans and garden vegetables over rice, topped guacamole, and the reading of another chapter of “The Horse and his Boy.”
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Back from the Beach [Jul. 14th, 2009|09:22 pm]
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This was our fourth year to vacation with my family at Edisto Beach in South Carolina. To think that Renee was three when we first came!

This year we discovered Botany Bay, which includes two old plantation sites and two miles of undeveloped beach. The beach was fantastic. I want to go back in September and do some painting.  I still don't have a good camera, so these will have to do.


Dead live oaks on the beach.  
two more... )
Now I'm getting back into the swing of things.  Sort of, that is.  I feel more like things are getting back into swinging me! 


 
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Sorting Things Out [Jun. 20th, 2009|09:21 pm]
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I've spent the greater part of yesterday & today decluttering. I've been on this path for awhile now. I'm really amazed with the amount of stuff that cycles through my house.

I really do love organization. I love for everything to have its own little space. But my home is not so organized. There are lots of reasons for this, I think--just as there are lots of people living here--and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in clutter. But I'm learning that if I can't think of where something belongs, then it might just be that I don't need to hang on to it. So I move from space to space, tossing out some things, and making space for others that were wanted but just sort of floating around as clutter because they didn't have a proper home.

Today I put up an entire box of photos that had been stashed in my desk drawers for over a year. And my three boxes of seeds have been sorted--the old packets gleaned, and the rest lovingly stashed in a little basket. School & art work has been sorted (and re-adored). Books that before were stacked in towers along the floor have been put away neatly on a shelf I usurped from McKinley. Truthfully, I did ask, and he did say it was OK.

Now it's nearing time for bed, and I'm pretty much done. Tomorrow is Father's Day, and I'm going to wake up early and fix my darling coffee. Later we will have a fine gathering of friends & family and have a cook-out. He spent most of the day getting our solar-powered hot tub properly sorted out. It's out on the deck, which is off of our bedroom, and almost more like a glorified balcony than a deck. The hot tub has its own nook and is set into the floor. It's been waiting for some assorted tuning, and now it's done. We should be soaking in it tomorrow night. Yeah.
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in the garden wet with rain [Jun. 17th, 2009|08:33 am]
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I wake to cool air and fall back asleep, only to be awoken again to a terrific rainstorm. It's not a bad way to wake up at all--thunder and flashes plus a deluge pleasantly stirs the senses while also reminding one of the deliciousness of the warm bed. And with it being summer, there's no pressure to rise. So I laid in bed and woke slowly. I should also mention the cherry on top of it all was the hot cup of coffee delivered to me by my husband.

At some point in all of this I remember that I had left some seed packets in the garden yesterday afternoon. So today I must plant whatever I can of those assorted squash seeds now lying damp in their envelopes next to some johnny-jump-ups and parsley. And while I'm at it, I should probably rid my garden of some more slugs. All this rain has made them prosperous, and wiped out lots of my plantings.

Ah, the garden. I'm there everyday, and it's really amazing this year. The paths are hoed, and the packed soil feels delicious to the bare soles of my feet. Right now the firepinks and tennessee echinacea are blooming, along with the spires of blue & pink speedwell which were some of the first residents of my garden. All the other echinaceas in my garden are about to bloom, as are the lilies & elecampane. The calendula and borage volunteers were prolific this year, and I've transplanted as much as I could to assorted spots in the garden. They are also starting to bloom, and there really is nothing to compare with the vibrant yellows & oranges of calendula. I will pick as many of their blooms as I can and dry them--but not yet, as they just started and I can't bear the thought of picking the first flowers. There will be an abundance of them soon, nearly everywhere, and besides, the borage is blooming, and I pick the cool blue stars and snack on them while I work in the hot sun. They taste like blue cucumbers. Renee wanders about the garden, sometimes helping, sometimes in her own world, but she picks them too. Between the both of us there's more than enough, and will be, until the cold returns months from now.

Aside from flowers there's also lots of basil plants which I bought at the local greenhouse. They were rather yellow when I bought them, and now they are flush with green and starting to grow. Luckily the slugs don't take to the basil, and indeed most of the herbs, but they do like beans, and I've got lots of those coming up--scarlet emperor & golden nugget--and soon my kentucky wonder beans will be coming up. And I've still more beans to plant, dry beans like jacob's cattle and yin yang. Peppers, lettuces, assorted greens, tomatoes--all of these are doing well. And I'm already planning ahead for my winter garden.

All of this gardening means I've not been in the studio. It makes me a bit restless, but the garden is so delightful, such a pleasure, and one limited, for the most part, to the days of summer. I think I won't regret it a bit, when I'm eating dilly beans I've canned come Thanksgiving. I know I'm not regretting it now. My mom says you do what you want, and every morning I put on my sun hat and walk through the garden gate, smiling.
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wren [Jun. 13th, 2009|12:34 pm]
The little wren is still very much alive!

I woke up at 2 a.m. to refresh its hot water bottle. And then at 6 (on a Saturday!) to start with its feedings.

I'm awestruck, and I'll post pics soon.
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Of Cats and Wrens [Jun. 12th, 2009|08:12 pm]
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My cats have been taking advantage of me while I sleep. They meow at all hours of the night--to go in, to go out--and in my sleep I hear them and wake just enough to do as they bid. And when morning comes I'm grumbling, because they do this all night, and my sleep is marred by the turbulence of meows.

But last night! Ah-ha! Last night! Last night I was not so deep in the sleep because I had a cup of coffee late in the day. They started their hypnotizing meows in the thick of the night, but I said, "no, nono, no." I took my glass of water and opened the door and SPLASH! Ha! I got to do it twice, with great relish. And not another meow for the night--they must've let the third cat know what was going on.

I'm putting extra water by my bed tonight. Ha!

And then, the story of the wrens. There's a pair that have set up shop in one of the corners of my house. I'd been guarding their little nest--whenever I heard them kicking up a ruckus I'd go outside. Usually there was a cat to collect, and I'd swoop her up and put her inside. Yesterday we started hearing little cheeps--the eggs had hatched! The wrens were flying back and forth, back and forth, and I was extra vigilant, as were the cats--from the window.

This morning it was much the same, and I had the cats inside early, so the wrens could go about their business of baby-feedings. Mid-morning there was a lot of squawking. I looked out the window and saw nothing, and so continued with my conversation with J. But I noticed that they weren't flying back and forth anymore, and also that I didn't hear them chirping or squawking or anything. It seemed like they were gone, and I began to wonder what might be going on.

Then Renee and I went for a nice long hike, up through the woods to the top of the ridge, through laurel thickets lush with blossoms. Renee would pick them and stick them to her fingers like diamonds. When we came back down we got ready to go up to the studio, and since that walk goes right by the wrens' nest I thought I'd look into it.

I reached up and in and my fingers found a cold lumpy thing, pulling out a tiny dead hatchling. "Oh, a dead baby bird," I said, and Renee sighed, "Oh," with mutual sadness. I reached in again. This time it was another cold lumpy thing, but it moved, ever so slightly when I wrapped my fingers around it, and I cried out, "This one is alive!" Renee got very excited about this, and I was, too, somehow putting aside all the logic that said there was no way that we could bring this tiny, tiny thing back from the brink.

It was SO tiny. It's eyes were shut, but bulged out, and it was mostly naked, except for a dusting of down on top of its head. It was no more than an inch and a half long. Only, I shouldn't say was, because the little thing is alive! We breathed on it to get it warm and quickly made up some sugar water first. It took it, so weakly, and I kept saying to Renee, "It's so tiny, I don't know if we can really help it." But then we looked up on the internet what to feed it (cat food ground up, oats ground up, hard-boiled egg yolk, and mixed with water) and we made some up, all the while holding it in my hand to keep it warm, and breathing on it. Then we made up a hot water bottle, and made a little nest for it in a box, and within a few hours it was cheeping ever so slightly when we opened the lid.

I don't know what a miracle is. I don't know what will happen to this little lump of wren-life. All I can say is that, amidst all that dies, all that falls, all that doesn't quite make it through this world, this morning a cold, blind, naked bird rested in my palm, barely alive, and I breathed on it, and held it close, and took it upon myself to do what I could. And now when it hears my voice it opens its little mouth wide, cheep, cheep, cheeping. That's miracle enough for me.
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Paint Our Report [Jun. 9th, 2009|01:06 pm]
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So I’ve finally gotten a moment to write about my experience with the Paint Out, the plein air competition held in Burnsville, NC every May. This is how the Paint Out works: all the artists arrive between 8 and 10 in the morning at the Burnsville Toe River Arts Council Gallery to have their paper, canvas, or other substrate validated with a stamp. Then they disperse and spend the whole day painting, coming back at or before 5 with their finished works. The pieces are hung on the wall and judged while everyone else grabs a bite to eat ( or in my case runs home and cleans up). Everyone then returns for a reception and awards ceremony at 6:30.

The real challenge for me is to finish a painting in one day. I am so detail-oriented, a bit of a perfectionist, and slllllllllllloooooooooooow. Think turtle here.

This was the third annual Paint Out, and my second go at it. I tried to do it the first year it was held, but my husband was out of town and so I had my kids with me--which proved to be a bit of a disaster. But this year I planned ahead. I knew what I was going to paint, and I’d spend a day doing a study, mostly to see if I actually could finish a painting in one day. Here’s what I painted as a study:


This scene is one I see every time I drive into Burnsville--high on a hill above the two-lane highway, this double-trunk pine stands in the center of a cemetery. Whenever I really paid attention to this tree, I would say to myself, “I need to paint that someday."   There’s just something really magical about this tree standing sentinel in the middle of the graveyard.

So I had prepared my paper the day before by painting it with acrylic medium mixed with marble dust, which makes the paper feel like very, very fine sandpaper.  This helps the pastel particles stick to the paper.  I’d packed my pastels in an assortment of boxes, and laid my pastel pencils in their traveling tray.  I gathered all my assorted tools and was ready for the big day.

I woke with a scratchy throat and a lack of determination, which thankfully wore off with the coffee my husband brought me. By nine 0’clock I was set up in the middle of a pasture next to the cemetery, gazing from tree to paper, tree to paper. I worked hard and fast. By noon I was sunburnt, and put in a call for my straw hat, some lunch, and some tunes (hooray for the husband!). By three I was beginning to get antsy. Would I finish in time? By four I realized I would have to leave out the headstones, which grieved me, since they seemed integral to the painting. By 4:45, I had finished:
 

At the reception I was amazed with the quality of work that was produced, and disappointed to not have received an award. But I knew the instant the judge started explaining why he picked the first place winner that I wouldn’t be on his list. He praised soft delicate edges and values that mingled gently. My painting doesn’t have a soft stroke in it. But I listened carefully to his compliments of the winning pieces, eager to learn more from his perspective.

What I came away with was a new understanding of why I paint. Certainly I have always arranged my compositions and chosen my colors intuitively. And I know that there is always room for me to grow in my technical skill. But in the end I paint because I have a story to tell. I am a narrative painter. It’s something I’d thought about a little bit before, but as I mulled over certain things the judge said I realized that for me, value and edges and composition all serve one end, to tell the story of whatever it is I am painting. I don’t know exactly how to explain this, except to say that in the case of the pine, I’ve always felt that it serves as a bridge between life and death, heaven and earth, grief and celebration. That is why I have been compelled to paint it. If I really want to paint the story of the cemetery pine, I need to do so in a completely different way. And I want to do that, and am indeed excited about it.  I feel like I really know how to paint this story now.

Anyway, if you are smitten with either of these pieces let me know!  I'm pleased with them both, but my studio is honestly getting too full, so I'm happy to take offers.  I'm thinking somewhere around $100 for the study (12" x 16") and $350 for the larger Paint Out piece (16" x 30"?).  You can see the larger piece at the Burnsville TRAC gallery until June 27th.  Anyone who purchases these originals will get a free print of the Narrative Painting I will be doing later this summer (it's gonna be wicked cool!).

If you've gotten to the end of this, then I want to thank you so much for your interest in my work!   It really does mean a lot to me.  My next studio update will have pictures of piece from start to completion--I should be posting it soon! 
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Facebook, Fish, and the Final days of school [Jun. 4th, 2009|08:55 am]
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It's morning, I'm drinking coffee, and I'm on the computer. A bit of a ritual.

kid & garden stuff )

Last night a made a Facebook page for my art business. I've already been getting some sales just by posting things here and there on my personal Facebook page, so I thought I'd get viral with it. I am determined to make an income from my art! I even bought a little Facebook advertising, which was easy enough--you can set all sorts of interesting parameters with your advertising--and it was a tiny, tiny investment. We'll see what happens!

And a word about Facebook. I think it's a great thing, pretty much. I don't get out much, and yet there are so many people I'd like to have some sort of connection with--relatives, old friends, new friends that I don't see much because...I don't get out much. But it is a bit on the addictive side. Like all technology I suppose. Last night at the dinner table I mentioned (after the phone rang--we don't answer the phone while we're having dinner) that I thought it would be nice to not have a phone, at least, not all the time. And yes, I'm talking about a landline. Cell phones don't even work out here where I live. I'm a strange mix of modern and old-fashioned, I suppose. I love technology, but seriously, as soon as I have some extra money I'd like to buy some Amish-style washers from Lehman's. But that's another post altogether.

p.s. If you're on Facebook, & haven't already (thanks [info]wild_heart & [info]cottonmanifesto !) mosey on over to my art page and be a fan. It really will make my day!
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Wrensong [May. 28th, 2009|08:29 am]
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There's a pair of wrens nesting near my house--maybe even in my house, in a small section that's not sided --and I hear them throughout the day, their high chattering song encircling my home. I think they are winter wrens, which is even nicer, since they are a bit uncommon. There's also lots of kingfishers about, with their rattling call and crisp soaring lines of flight over my garden.  And kestrels weaving through the forest.  All these birds are raising their young, caught up in the business of nests and eggs and feeding, feeding, feeding.

Sometimes I think this makes birds very scatterbrained. This time of year, when they are so busy. And it makes me think of myself, also caught up in the rigors of child-rearing. I talk to my sister on the phone, who is raising a seven-month-old, and I can barely remember how we handled certain issues of parenting. That time period is a blur of memories and the feeling of exhaustion coupled with fierce momma-joy. Now my kids are older, and there's thankfully less exhaustion, but still all that nest work and of course open mouths. Feed me! Feed me! Feed me! The song of the wrens around my house reminds me that this is essentially a joyful act.*

McKinley has been sick since Friday. It's been worrying me. I thought it might have been strep throat, and sent him to the doctor on Monday, but the doctor said it was just a bad cold. He seems to get just a tiny bit better each day, and last night he did not wake up coughing--a good sign. He seems to get every cold that comes around, and get it hard. I've been saturating his system with particular herbs--herbs for the lungs, herbs for the immune system, anti-viral herbs, and I think I"m going to keep that up once he's well, too. I'm hoping today will be his last day home, not just because I wish him well, but also because my patience is wearing thin, even with all the wrensong encircling my home.

* I misspelled joyful act when I first typed it as joyful cat--and I've been worried about little wren feathers sticking out of my feline's mouths--let's hope that's not a future reality!


In Other News:

I'll be participating in this event come Saturday.  I know exactly what I'm going to paint, and I'm going to do some prep for it today & tomorrow.

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the dance of last night [May. 27th, 2009|08:52 am]
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In the very last tinge of dusk, when the sky was still a milky blue, my husband walked out onto our balcony to observe the night sky. Within moments he had peeked his head back, calling us to come see the light show. I was reading "The Silver Chair" to the littles, who were curled against me like hot water bottles--I absorbed their warmth while they absorbed my voice.

"What is it?" I queried. "Fireflies?" For we had not yet seen the fireflies emerge, and with all this rain it will certainly be a good year for them.

"No, no...something else! Come see! Come see!" he appealed, inciting a love of mystery.

So we climbed off the bed and walked through the door. Above us the sky was nearly completely clear. A few small clouds skirted across in gray dress. But towering above us in the Eastern sky was a radiant white cumulus God. And high in the mind of that great cloud lightning was flashing. We counted together, children and adults both rapt with attention.

One....two...thre...four...five...six...seven...eight...nine....thunder.

"Surely that's not nine miles away? Do you think, J?" I asked him.

He raised his eyebrows. Who's to know the answer to that question? What a marvel! A cloud nine miles deep, nine mile high. It flashed again, and we counted with the mississippi part this time, for more scientific accuracy....five miles. This seemed more realistic a number.

The gray clouds continued to march beneath the tower of white, like horses carrying a silver-gilded chariot. Between their shifting wet hooves and the shadows of our garden, the first sparkles of fireflies danced. Our breathing was hushed in the dark air.

Lightning again. Another scientific count. Nine miles.

The clouds thundered in, and one ferocious finger of lightening bridged Heaven and Earth. One, two miles away. Then the rain came, a roaring chorus of rain, and we retreated into the house, the cloud above us now, a nine-miled column of cloud, a Silver Lord, dancing with his consort, Rainwoman.

The air was lush with excitement.
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poppies & prints [May. 26th, 2009|09:10 am]
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I've put up lots of new prints in my etsy shop...you can see them here!  Mention this blog in the checkout and I'll give you a twenty percent discount! If you don't want to set up an etsy account, you can just email me and we can handle the transaction ourselves.

Last night it rained and rained and rained. Sometimes passionately. Yesterday it rained and rained and rained, sometimes passionately, but spots of sun came through, too, and in the afternoon Renee and I went into my garden and planted things. Tomatoes first. Two "aunt ginny's purple," one "green zebra," and one whose little tag wore off and whose name I've thus forgotten. (I've got more tomatoes in the second garden, which has been planted and tended to by our interns, along with onions and potatoes galore). Then I planted three boneset plants (Eupatorium perfoliatum), a native herb used for the treatment of colds and influenza, and a soapwort (Saponaria officinalis). Throughout most of this Renee had been wandering through the garden plucking radishes or having little conversations with plants. At one point she was weeding (really more like trimming, as she was cutting the weeds with scissors) when she let out a piercing little scream and ran from one end of the garden to the other. It was a spider, which she adeptly described. Renee is petrified of spiders. I tried explaining to her that she was in more danger running across the garden with scissors in her hand than from this spider, regardless of its size, but my logic fell on deaf ears. And by this time it had started to rain again, just a bit of a sprinkle, really, but we headed inside to start dinner.

But the main reason for our visit to the garden was the poppies. Renee had not yet seen them, though really all she had to do was glance the garden's way and her eye would have been caught by their outrageous orange-ness. In fact as we started walking to the garden gate the instant she saw them she started to run with eagerness. They are truly amazingly orange!



These poppies are perennials, though I've planted some Zahir poppies in my front garden.  They're purple, but not yet blooming.  Of course I'll post photos when they do.


 
 

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puzzling [May. 21st, 2009|08:42 pm]
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Last Christmas I purchased a "Colorado Puzzle" for my kids. Renee played with it some, but it wasn't long before it was sitting on a shelf, forgotten.

Until I took it to my desk. Now it's mine. I find it to be immensely therapeutic in one of those indescribable ways. Maybe in the same kind of way as knitting seems to be for some people.

Anyway, I thought I'd take a photo of these designs I come up with, just for fun.  
Here's one I did yesterday:









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Studio blessings [May. 21st, 2009|10:14 am]
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My studio is really close to my house, but certain features make it seem farther away. My house sits just outside of the bounds of the forest, while my studio sits just within. And up. My studio is up. So I walk into the forest, and up. Yesterday, just as I had stepped into the forest, a white flutter of wings streaked right before me, then landed in the twisting arms of a rhododendron only fifteen feet away from me. I gasped. Just as quickly as it landed it flew off again, obviously disturbed by my presence, but I saw enough of it to know what it was--a kestrel. I have never observed kestrels in the forest before, but I'm pretty sure that this is the bird that is nesting south of my studio, where the border of the forest bleeds from thick to overgrown pasture.

Many other wonderful things happened yesterday. I made a little notebook for myself. I call it my abundance notebook, and I'm using it to keep better track of my money. I know some people are born with this skill, or maybe just a natural ability to be organized, but I am only recently really getting the hang of it. This little book will help make the process more beautiful! I made it green, cause don't we all know that's the color of money, with graph paper and blank paper alternating on each page. This way I can make little notes and whatnot on the blank page, while the graph paper can be the "official" record.

The materials I used: graph paper (printed off the internet on 100% post-consumer recycled paper), recycled kraft cover stock, handmade paper purchased from my local tea~paper shop, a razor, a ruler, some green thread (not-pictured).

the finished product ) </a></div>


My wonderful hubbadoodle took my large tabletop (it's 4' x 8' and is a huge collage under glass that heretofore had been sitting about eighteen inches off the floor) and made a table frame for it in my studio. This is very exciting, and maybe I can take some pictures today after I've cleaned up the space. Right now it's a bit of a disaster because of all the rearranging. And all of this is just in time, as I received an exciting email from a gallery that I've been interested in for awhile. More on that when it's all official.</div>
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camera woes return [May. 20th, 2009|11:02 am]
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I thought my camera woes were over, but it seems that my camera is bent on making me grit my teeth. I"m so sad about it. It won't go into playback mode (the button is shot, maybe?) so I can't fix this other little issue whereby the little card is "not initialized" every time I pull photos off of it.  It's like all this funky stuff that chants new camera, new camera, new camera.  

Actually I have two cameras.  One is this Fuji finepix 4900.  It's a nice camera for me--way more than a point and shoot, but not super deluxe.  This is the one that is driving me nuts.  My other camera is a point and shoot, fine for what it's meant to do, but no macro worth a damn, and for some reason it won't connect to my computer.  So I have to put all the pics in J's computer, and then transfer them to mine, usually by email.  And that takes forever. 

So.  If anyone wants to trade an nice used camera that they don't use because they have a super deluxe camera in exchange for some art, let me know.  I'm so game right now.


 




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strange mix [May. 19th, 2009|08:33 am]
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I wake up this morning a strange mix of jubilation and despair. The rising Sun glints on the railing of my balcony and I rush outside. The air is cold, and I lay my still sleeping palms on a thick soppy frost. It immediately melts. I glance down to my garden with a heaving sigh. I'll go down later and see what damage has been done. The lupines were in full flower, but they are pretty hardy. The uppermost flower buds of the peonies were just beginning to reveal their burlesque ruffles. What about the borage, the calendula? What about the poppies in the garden along the South wall? Or the tomatoes and heliotrope that haven't even been planted in the ground...

If the tomatoes have been nipped then there will be a run on tomato plants at our local greenhouse. Which means I'd best get up and get going, see what needs re-planting, see what has suffered from the icy tooth of crystalline dew.

And while this motivates me, turns my attention towards something that needs doing, I still linger with this strange mix that is delight at being alive, and a sadness with the way things are. I suppose that, more than anything, it means I'm really present to the day, to the glory and green of spring, while a late frost bites at the tenderness of life.  I'll stay with it, not rush off for tomatoes or whatever else might grab my attention.  And I'll settle into breathing, deep down, and remember that I'm so happy to be here, in this garden of Earth.  With frost or without, there's a mystery to being alive that can't ever be laid out under a microscope, there's a mystery to life on Earth that unravels me and bares my heart to both the frost and the green, and like the peony I'm still planning on flirting out my pink skirt, I'm still planning on blooming.




p.s.  I just took the above photo...it looks like most everything will be fine, even my tomatoes!  The only things that got hit really hard were the marigolds my kids gave me for mother's day.  They are limp and wilted. :(
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my camera woes are over! [May. 18th, 2009|12:47 pm]
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Bluets, down by the river
 
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my website [May. 15th, 2009|06:25 pm]
Well, I've worked on it on and off for over a year, and I think it's finally at a point where I can say, a website is always a work in progress, but mine is definitely now presentable. So, here it is:
woodbyrd.com
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(no subject) [May. 14th, 2009|07:49 am]
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Yesterday:
  • a hike up in the morning, and I can feel the growing strength in my legs
  • ate some chocolate
  • transplanted calendula and motherwort to various places around the house, thus making new flower~herb beds where before only grass and plantain grew
  • planted heartsease & a chasteberry tree (plant purchases from a few weeks ago)
  • found the baby lupine that was transplanted early in the Spring was still alive (a miracle!) and weeded around it and gave it lots of compost and adoration
  • ate some chocolate
  • realized how lucky I am to be able to spend the greater portion of the day gardening
  • did two loads of laundry
  • helped McKinley with his homework
  • realized I had to take a short nap (this was caused by eating lunch too late, coupled with a liver in need of nourishment. You can tell your liver is a bit whooped if you're tired after you eat)
  • looked over the garden bed that McKinley made all on his own while I napped. It's complete with spade-softened earth, and has posts and chicken wire around it. I swelled up with pride.
  • realized I have the most wonderful hubbie in the world, who cheerfully made dinner because I was stressing out about it
  • ate some chocolate
  • read Chapter XI of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader to my littles
  • ate some....ha! gotcha! went to bed
Today the air is damp and cold, and everything is wet from a very early morning rain. I'll lay off the gardening today...for I'm bound to the studio this morning, and then a haircut after lunch. My goal for today is to have a sustained level of energy, rather than crashing out at 3, so I can do all my motherly domestic things with vim and vigor. I plan on accomplishing this by paying better attention to when I eat, and nourishing my liver with a dandelion root infusion.
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a good night [May. 12th, 2009|10:43 pm]
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Lately I've been taking my walks up into the forest rather than along the road. One might wonder why I would ever choose road over forest and the answer is actually rather simple. The forest goes up, really up, and the road runs next to a delightful mountain creek.

But the exercise of going up, up, up has proven to be quite beneficial for me, and the medicine of the forest itself is powerful. Indeed, the woods are lush with herbal medicine, which I think speaks to the true nature of the forest. There's blue cohosh, ginseng, wild ginger, mountain mint, bloodroot, and mayapples. And besides all that, the pileated woodpeckers are announcing their presence constantly, with drumming and vocals, which is particularly meaningful for me, as I have a thing for pileated woodpeckers.

So I've been feeling great. And it's been raining a lot, which is also a good thing. My garden is doing great, and I've lots of projects on hand to keep me busy. I must transplant the multitudes of motherwort and skullcap that have sprouted up! And prepare a few new places near the house for planting herbs and flowers! And now's the time for basil and squash and tomatoes and all their friends. Plus I still have about twelve heartsease (johnny jump ups) to plant in assorted spots throughout the garden. Sunday I planted something like thirty-six of the cheery flowers. Ahhh. Clearly, I need to take pictures.

Today I did not work in the garden. I went to Asheville with my brother and we went out to lunch at Salsa's, my favorite restaurant--he was easily convinced to buy me lunch, as a certain event of this week grants me such favors. But I bought my own margarita.

Then we went grocery shopping, which was so much more fun, thanks to the aforementioned drink! I bought a lot of chocolate. Besides, I love hanging out with my brother. I'm eleven years older than him, but quickly regress to the folly and jolly of youth when we are out and about together. There's really no regressing required for him to be in that space of...youthfulness, as it seems he never left it to begin with.

I got home and mucked out the goat barn. I'll be a little stiff in the morning for that, I bet, but not the bad kind. I'll wake up and stretch and yawn like a great big ole cat and kick everyone else out of my bed. Including the real cats.

For now Renee has claimed her father's spot in the bed, until he decides he's ready to slumber. The window above my bed is open, and I can still hear a few spring peepers. But mostly I hear the creek and the river, and the gurgle of the thin lick of a stream--technically a branch--that runs through our property. And the soft breathing of my daughter. It is a good night.
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found today [May. 8th, 2009|08:47 pm]
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I write to discover what I know.
--Flannery O'Connor
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Let the Green Begin! [May. 5th, 2009|07:59 am]
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It's raining again this morning, and I can delight in this, armed as I am with a strong cup of coffee. My hubbie delivers my coffee to me every morning. Aren't I so lucky?

Speaking of hubbie, we've been married nine years since last week. In that time we:
*started our own businesses (2)
*had two babies, sixteen months apart (for a total of five)
*homeschooled at various intervals, for a total of about four years
*bought a house that used to be a barn (and still bore a strong resemblance to such a structure in terms of draftiness & wobbliness)that came also with a large shop for our business(es)
*built my studio
*started raising chickens
*sold one business for a nice sum
*renovated house and added on a
*tore down shop before it fell down on us
*became solar-powered and solar-water-heated
*bought the house next door
*started another business
*started raising goats
*built a tiny pentangle house for our eldest daughter
*renovated our house some more

Also in that time, I've built a large garden, which is where I spent most of my time yesterday. I planted a few of the plants I purchased at the Herb Fest: false indigo, fire pink, and vervain. Then I weeded out lots of grass, and made some beds bigger so I could transplant volunteer calendula and borage into spaces where they could actually grow.









My Lucille Ball Alliums are blooming. They look kinda like lollipops, with their tall stalk and big round cluster of purple flowers at the top.

The wood poppy, or American Celandine, is festooned in yellow, four-petaled flowers.

The Creeping Bellworts are dangling their pale lemon jewels, and the Blue Comfrey is tossing its tiny blue bells in the rain. 

There's even a plant blooming in my garden that I've no idea what it is! A friend gave it to me two years ago, and it's now taken off. And it's gorgeous--brilliant pinwheels of tiny violet flowers.  The ever so knowledgeable  [info]ericrovve  has informed me that this plant is Centaurea montana, also known as perenniel cornflower.



My motherwort grew to a massive clump that was covered in greenery earlier in the Spring. I'm guessing that a frost killed it, though, for it's now rotten and brown. But in true mother fashion, the ground is covered in tiny motherwort babies. I'll be transplanting those to various spots both in and out of the garden. The skullcap did a similar number, except that none of it died. It just spread about like mint, which is no surprise since it's in the mint family. I'll need to transplant some of those, too, lest I'm overrun with skullcap. Considering that it's a marvelous nervine tonic (supporting the nervous system), maybe it's not so bad to have so much!

I've sown in trays passionflower, calendula ('cause you can never have enough of this generous herb), bloodflower (tropical milkweed that monarchs ADORE), and from my grandmother's garden: hummingbird vine, hibiscus, and hollyhocks. I've also got a tray of johnny-jump-ups waiting to cheer my garden, plus all the plants I got at the Herb Fest that I haven't planted yet: astragalus, lavender, hardy rosemary, heliotrope, tobacco, boneset, goji berries, lavender poppies, more passionflower, and heirloom tomatoes. I'm probably forgetting something.

How quickly the green returns, and with it the expectation and delight of the garden! I'm always blown away by the abundance of the Earth, how, with attention and awareness, one can gather seeds and grow more and more, how lemon balm and motherwort, mint and bee balm spread, and how the great root plants like elecampane, valerian, butterfly weed and echinacea expand each year. Abundance is the natural state of the Earth, and it's the kind of abundance that requires your hands and your heart. The best kind.

p.s. the dogwoods are blooming, too

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Unveiling [May. 4th, 2009|09:14 am]
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Morning rain has cleared to Monday sunshine. This means the garden is sated and readying itself for blooming, and also that the forest will be thicker and wet when I hike up into it presently.

It's been a wild weekend of Herb Festing (which will get its own post shortly) and family visiting. Lots of traveling. So I am glad for Monday and the stillness it offers. This is ironic, of course, because Monday is rarely still around here, but comparatively speaking, it's more still than being on the road four hours, like I was yesterday.

This weekend also marks the completion of a new painting, whose progress I had documented here. I also had a poll a long while back: "Guess the Title" Nobody guessed the correct title!

Here it is, for your viewing pleasure:



"Ecstasy"
pastel on paper


This painting is second chakra therapy!  Hence the title.  And we all need second chakra therapy, don't you think, whether its for sexuality or creativity or all around juiciness.  Look for prints (large sized!) at my etsy shop! 

If you participated in my "guess the title" poll* and want to buy a print, then you are entitled to a 20% discount!  That's my way of saying thanks.  

*That would be:   [info]manifest_now , [info]megalopoet , [info]eneit , [info]thehotpinkheat , [info]firthofforth , [info]createdestiny , [info]cottonmanifesto , [info]badgerbear 
 





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Writer's Block: Indulgences [Apr. 22nd, 2009|01:45 pm]

Your birthday is a time when you get to indulge in all your favorite things. So indulge us—what's your favorite LJ post?


View 408 Answers

[info]createdestiny  did this, and then asked everyone to do it, too.  So, here's mine.  The memory of this still makes me laugh.  I guess when I wrote it Renee was 5 and McKinley was 6.
Requiem for a Rooster

I'm not sure what the birthday has to do with it.  Was it your birthday recently, oh delicious [info]createdestiny ?



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returning [Apr. 21st, 2009|09:59 pm]
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I copied this poem into my journal today—a new journal of only 28 pages, not even yet saddle-stitched, though I will do that, too. I am tired of big journals that require months and months (or even more than a year) to fill, and I’ve been wanting to make my own for some time now. Anyway, the poem, by Hafiz (translated, I believe, by Daniel Ladinsky, but I’d have to double check. This particular poem I tore from the book years ago and placed under glass in a collage with pictures and quotes and photos):


Only One Rule

The sky
Is a suspended blue ocean.
The stars are the fish that swim.

The planets are the white whales I sometimes
Hitch a ride
On,

The sun and all light
Have forever fused themselves into my heart,
And upon my skin.

There is only one rule on this Wild Playground,
Every sign that Hafiz has ever seen
Reads the same.
They all say,

“Have fun, my dear; my dear, have fun,
In the Beloved’s divine Game,

O, In the Beloved’s
Wonderful
Game.”


Isn't it fun, to feel your self coming back after a period of stress?  That's what today was like for me.  In the morning I hiked up the ridge behind my house.  Of course my dogs came, but curiously, and endearingly, two of my cats came as well.  The forest floor is coming alive.  The blue cohosh is already blooming.  There's a huge patch of it, and I like to think of it up there, waving in the night air.  Mountain mint is sprouting up, too.  I will be transplanting a few plants of both of these to my garden.

I worked in the studio today for the first time in many weeks.  Really this is how I come back to myself.  Not necessarily being in the studio so much as honoring my creative and spiritual needs, instead of shrinking from them.

I also pieced together the aforementioned journal, and wrote two little poems, and a few pages more.  I sat on the deck of my studio and watched the clouds fly to the East, dappling the ground with their shade.

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vibrations [Apr. 13th, 2009|10:33 am]
Last night before I went to bed I sat out on my deck and listened to a pair of spring peepers. It was curious to hear just two peepers, as they usually are a full chorus. How rich and clear are their voices. Peeping is not the right word, it is more of a high chant, a velvet yet piercing trill, a fluted voice.

Wrapped in a thin sweater shawl, I felt the ethereal caress of the breathing night. The high whisper of the river was joined by the gurgling laugh of the small branch that runs by the north end of my house. I thought about the preciousness of water, the ancient song that is the Toe River, the blessing of living here.

Then I went to bed, and slept well.

The morning brings rain, and a Spring chill. I find myself quarreling internally, complaining about things which are, indeed, minor molehills. I suppose the problem I am seeing is that these minor molehills seem to consume my every breath.

I know this is my perspective, a drumbeat to which I keep dancing, and by all means a malleable beat. Sometimes it seems, though, that however malleable one’s perspective might be, the inner act of shifting one’s thoughts and feelings is no small feat. And when I feel stuck, incapable of producing change, well then, that’s when I ask for help.

St. Johns Wort, specifically, and a call for help from my spirit guides, and a vision of life being calmer. And then I jump into the day.

(After giving myself a little gift: http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=15275222)
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a few things to remember [Apr. 11th, 2009|10:53 pm]
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Yesterday Renee was not feeling so great. She said she wanted to lay in bed, and I offered to bring her some books to read. She liked this idea, and when I asked her what books she might like, she said, "Oh, just pick out what you like, Momma, 'cause that's what I like, too."

So I brought up a lushly illustrated edition of The Velveteen Rabbit, a lushly illustrated fairy book, Richard Scarry's What Do People Do All Day, and a lushly illustrated book about bumblebees. All of these pleased her to no end, and she remarked that I picked out the perfect books, that she loves all these books so much.

A little while later I asked her if she wanted me to read The Velveteen Rabbit to her. It had been a long time since I had read it to her, and while McKinley, who was also present, remembered the story, I don't think she remembered or absorbed the story from before.

She was entranced. And when we got to the sad part, where the bunny goes to the burn pile, she absolutely burst into tears, and had me crying myself, such was the depth of her sweetness and tenderness.

All that emotion was too much for McKinley. He wandered to another part of the room, still within earshot of the story.

So the bunny met the nursery magic fairy, and was turned into a Real Real Bunny, and while that was good, and abated her tears, she was still deeply moved. "That was a sad and happy story, Momma," she snuffled, "because the bunny doesn't get to stay with the boy."

And she squirmed into the cradle of my arms and grew quiet for awhile, her fingers fiddling with my ears.

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Mike and Abby have arrived, hooray! I feel like I've been too stressed to properly enjoy their presence, what with all the chicken pox going on along with the usual what-nots. But last night Abby and Katie, and maybe Mike too, made dinner and brought it over. I am so thankful for their hearts and hands.

Earlier in the day Mike was working on their little cabin, which they started building late last summer, and McKinley was helping. I didn't get to see his contribution, but the word was that he was eager and helpful, which makes me proud.

McKinley is a powerhouse of motivation, when it's properly aligned with desire. Early yesterday thunder rumbled, and he jumped to making thundercake, which he had read about for school, and the recipe for which he had promptly copied after finishing the actual drudgery of reading. Abby helped with managing his motivation (I think I was handling myriad tasks), mostly just providing direction for him as he went about collecting all the ingredients and such. Together with Renee's minor assistance they made thundercake, which was downright delicious.

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So the Easter Bunny comes tonight, leaving candy in the garden. They are both very excited about this, and I am exceedingly thankful that I have teenagers who can go to the store and get said candy after the littles have gone to sleep. Now I just have to get up early enough to get it in the garden before they wake up!
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