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stephanietberry

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Sorting Things Out [Jun. 20th, 2009|09:21 pm]
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I've spent the greater part of yesterday & today decluttering. I've been on this path for awhile now. I'm really amazed with the amount of stuff that cycles through my house.

I really do love organization. I love for everything to have its own little space. But my home is not so organized. There are lots of reasons for this, I think--just as there are lots of people living here--and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in clutter. But I'm learning that if I can't think of where something belongs, then it might just be that I don't need to hang on to it. So I move from space to space, tossing out some things, and making space for others that were wanted but just sort of floating around as clutter because they didn't have a proper home.

Today I put up an entire box of photos that had been stashed in my desk drawers for over a year. And my three boxes of seeds have been sorted--the old packets gleaned, and the rest lovingly stashed in a little basket. School & art work has been sorted (and re-adored). Books that before were stacked in towers along the floor have been put away neatly on a shelf I usurped from McKinley. Truthfully, I did ask, and he did say it was OK.

Now it's nearing time for bed, and I'm pretty much done. Tomorrow is Father's Day, and I'm going to wake up early and fix my darling coffee. Later we will have a fine gathering of friends & family and have a cook-out. He spent most of the day getting our solar-powered hot tub properly sorted out. It's out on the deck, which is off of our bedroom, and almost more like a glorified balcony than a deck. The hot tub has its own nook and is set into the floor. It's been waiting for some assorted tuning, and now it's done. We should be soaking in it tomorrow night. Yeah.
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in the garden wet with rain [Jun. 17th, 2009|08:33 am]
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I wake to cool air and fall back asleep, only to be awoken again to a terrific rainstorm. It's not a bad way to wake up at all--thunder and flashes plus a deluge pleasantly stirs the senses while also reminding one of the deliciousness of the warm bed. And with it being summer, there's no pressure to rise. So I laid in bed and woke slowly. I should also mention the cherry on top of it all was the hot cup of coffee delivered to me by my husband.

At some point in all of this I remember that I had left some seed packets in the garden yesterday afternoon. So today I must plant whatever I can of those assorted squash seeds now lying damp in their envelopes next to some johnny-jump-ups and parsley. And while I'm at it, I should probably rid my garden of some more slugs. All this rain has made them prosperous, and wiped out lots of my plantings.

Ah, the garden. I'm there everyday, and it's really amazing this year. The paths are hoed, and the packed soil feels delicious to the bare soles of my feet. Right now the firepinks and tennessee echinacea are blooming, along with the spires of blue & pink speedwell which were some of the first residents of my garden. All the other echinaceas in my garden are about to bloom, as are the lilies & elecampane. The calendula and borage volunteers were prolific this year, and I've transplanted as much as I could to assorted spots in the garden. They are also starting to bloom, and there really is nothing to compare with the vibrant yellows & oranges of calendula. I will pick as many of their blooms as I can and dry them--but not yet, as they just started and I can't bear the thought of picking the first flowers. There will be an abundance of them soon, nearly everywhere, and besides, the borage is blooming, and I pick the cool blue stars and snack on them while I work in the hot sun. They taste like blue cucumbers. Renee wanders about the garden, sometimes helping, sometimes in her own world, but she picks them too. Between the both of us there's more than enough, and will be, until the cold returns months from now.

Aside from flowers there's also lots of basil plants which I bought at the local greenhouse. They were rather yellow when I bought them, and now they are flush with green and starting to grow. Luckily the slugs don't take to the basil, and indeed most of the herbs, but they do like beans, and I've got lots of those coming up--scarlet emperor & golden nugget--and soon my kentucky wonder beans will be coming up. And I've still more beans to plant, dry beans like jacob's cattle and yin yang. Peppers, lettuces, assorted greens, tomatoes--all of these are doing well. And I'm already planning ahead for my winter garden.

All of this gardening means I've not been in the studio. It makes me a bit restless, but the garden is so delightful, such a pleasure, and one limited, for the most part, to the days of summer. I think I won't regret it a bit, when I'm eating dilly beans I've canned come Thanksgiving. I know I'm not regretting it now. My mom says you do what you want, and every morning I put on my sun hat and walk through the garden gate, smiling.
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wren [Jun. 13th, 2009|12:34 pm]
The little wren is still very much alive!

I woke up at 2 a.m. to refresh its hot water bottle. And then at 6 (on a Saturday!) to start with its feedings.

I'm awestruck, and I'll post pics soon.
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Of Cats and Wrens [Jun. 12th, 2009|08:12 pm]
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My cats have been taking advantage of me while I sleep. They meow at all hours of the night--to go in, to go out--and in my sleep I hear them and wake just enough to do as they bid. And when morning comes I'm grumbling, because they do this all night, and my sleep is marred by the turbulence of meows.

But last night! Ah-ha! Last night! Last night I was not so deep in the sleep because I had a cup of coffee late in the day. They started their hypnotizing meows in the thick of the night, but I said, "no, nono, no." I took my glass of water and opened the door and SPLASH! Ha! I got to do it twice, with great relish. And not another meow for the night--they must've let the third cat know what was going on.

I'm putting extra water by my bed tonight. Ha!

And then, the story of the wrens. There's a pair that have set up shop in one of the corners of my house. I'd been guarding their little nest--whenever I heard them kicking up a ruckus I'd go outside. Usually there was a cat to collect, and I'd swoop her up and put her inside. Yesterday we started hearing little cheeps--the eggs had hatched! The wrens were flying back and forth, back and forth, and I was extra vigilant, as were the cats--from the window.

This morning it was much the same, and I had the cats inside early, so the wrens could go about their business of baby-feedings. Mid-morning there was a lot of squawking. I looked out the window and saw nothing, and so continued with my conversation with J. But I noticed that they weren't flying back and forth anymore, and also that I didn't hear them chirping or squawking or anything. It seemed like they were gone, and I began to wonder what might be going on.

Then Renee and I went for a nice long hike, up through the woods to the top of the ridge, through laurel thickets lush with blossoms. Renee would pick them and stick them to her fingers like diamonds. When we came back down we got ready to go up to the studio, and since that walk goes right by the wrens' nest I thought I'd look into it.

I reached up and in and my fingers found a cold lumpy thing, pulling out a tiny dead hatchling. "Oh, a dead baby bird," I said, and Renee sighed, "Oh," with mutual sadness. I reached in again. This time it was another cold lumpy thing, but it moved, ever so slightly when I wrapped my fingers around it, and I cried out, "This one is alive!" Renee got very excited about this, and I was, too, somehow putting aside all the logic that said there was no way that we could bring this tiny, tiny thing back from the brink.

It was SO tiny. It's eyes were shut, but bulged out, and it was mostly naked, except for a dusting of down on top of its head. It was no more than an inch and a half long. Only, I shouldn't say was, because the little thing is alive! We breathed on it to get it warm and quickly made up some sugar water first. It took it, so weakly, and I kept saying to Renee, "It's so tiny, I don't know if we can really help it." But then we looked up on the internet what to feed it (cat food ground up, oats ground up, hard-boiled egg yolk, and mixed with water) and we made some up, all the while holding it in my hand to keep it warm, and breathing on it. Then we made up a hot water bottle, and made a little nest for it in a box, and within a few hours it was cheeping ever so slightly when we opened the lid.

I don't know what a miracle is. I don't know what will happen to this little lump of wren-life. All I can say is that, amidst all that dies, all that falls, all that doesn't quite make it through this world, this morning a cold, blind, naked bird rested in my palm, barely alive, and I breathed on it, and held it close, and took it upon myself to do what I could. And now when it hears my voice it opens its little mouth wide, cheep, cheep, cheeping. That's miracle enough for me.
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Paint Our Report [Jun. 9th, 2009|01:06 pm]
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So I’ve finally gotten a moment to write about my experience with the Paint Out, the plein air competition held in Burnsville, NC every May. This is how the Paint Out works: all the artists arrive between 8 and 10 in the morning at the Burnsville Toe River Arts Council Gallery to have their paper, canvas, or other substrate validated with a stamp. Then they disperse and spend the whole day painting, coming back at or before 5 with their finished works. The pieces are hung on the wall and judged while everyone else grabs a bite to eat ( or in my case runs home and cleans up). Everyone then returns for a reception and awards ceremony at 6:30.

The real challenge for me is to finish a painting in one day. I am so detail-oriented, a bit of a perfectionist, and slllllllllllloooooooooooow. Think turtle here.

This was the third annual Paint Out, and my second go at it. I tried to do it the first year it was held, but my husband was out of town and so I had my kids with me--which proved to be a bit of a disaster. But this year I planned ahead. I knew what I was going to paint, and I’d spend a day doing a study, mostly to see if I actually could finish a painting in one day. Here’s what I painted as a study:


This scene is one I see every time I drive into Burnsville--high on a hill above the two-lane highway, this double-trunk pine stands in the center of a cemetery. Whenever I really paid attention to this tree, I would say to myself, “I need to paint that someday."   There’s just something really magical about this tree standing sentinel in the middle of the graveyard.

So I had prepared my paper the day before by painting it with acrylic medium mixed with marble dust, which makes the paper feel like very, very fine sandpaper.  This helps the pastel particles stick to the paper.  I’d packed my pastels in an assortment of boxes, and laid my pastel pencils in their traveling tray.  I gathered all my assorted tools and was ready for the big day.

I woke with a scratchy throat and a lack of determination, which thankfully wore off with the coffee my husband brought me. By nine 0’clock I was set up in the middle of a pasture next to the cemetery, gazing from tree to paper, tree to paper. I worked hard and fast. By noon I was sunburnt, and put in a call for my straw hat, some lunch, and some tunes (hooray for the husband!). By three I was beginning to get antsy. Would I finish in time? By four I realized I would have to leave out the headstones, which grieved me, since they seemed integral to the painting. By 4:45, I had finished:
 

At the reception I was amazed with the quality of work that was produced, and disappointed to not have received an award. But I knew the instant the judge started explaining why he picked the first place winner that I wouldn’t be on his list. He praised soft delicate edges and values that mingled gently. My painting doesn’t have a soft stroke in it. But I listened carefully to his compliments of the winning pieces, eager to learn more from his perspective.

What I came away with was a new understanding of why I paint. Certainly I have always arranged my compositions and chosen my colors intuitively. And I know that there is always room for me to grow in my technical skill. But in the end I paint because I have a story to tell. I am a narrative painter. It’s something I’d thought about a little bit before, but as I mulled over certain things the judge said I realized that for me, value and edges and composition all serve one end, to tell the story of whatever it is I am painting. I don’t know exactly how to explain this, except to say that in the case of the pine, I’ve always felt that it serves as a bridge between life and death, heaven and earth, grief and celebration. That is why I have been compelled to paint it. If I really want to paint the story of the cemetery pine, I need to do so in a completely different way. And I want to do that, and am indeed excited about it.  I feel like I really know how to paint this story now.

Anyway, if you are smitten with either of these pieces let me know!  I'm pleased with them both, but my studio is honestly getting too full, so I'm happy to take offers.  I'm thinking somewhere around $100 for the study (12" x 16") and $350 for the larger Paint Out piece (16" x 30"?).  You can see the larger piece at the Burnsville TRAC gallery until June 27th.  Anyone who purchases these originals will get a free print of the Narrative Painting I will be doing later this summer (it's gonna be wicked cool!).

If you've gotten to the end of this, then I want to thank you so much for your interest in my work!   It really does mean a lot to me.  My next studio update will have pictures of piece from start to completion--I should be posting it soon! 
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Facebook, Fish, and the Final days of school [Jun. 4th, 2009|08:55 am]
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It's morning, I'm drinking coffee, and I'm on the computer. A bit of a ritual.

( kid & garden stuff )

Last night a made a Facebook page for my art business. I've already been getting some sales just by posting things here and there on my personal Facebook page, so I thought I'd get viral with it. I am determined to make an income from my art! I even bought a little Facebook advertising, which was easy enough--you can set all sorts of interesting parameters with your advertising--and it was a tiny, tiny investment. We'll see what happens!

And a word about Facebook. I think it's a great thing, pretty much. I don't get out much, and yet there are so many people I'd like to have some sort of connection with--relatives, old friends, new friends that I don't see much because...I don't get out much. But it is a bit on the addictive side. Like all technology I suppose. Last night at the dinner table I mentioned (after the phone rang--we don't answer the phone while we're having dinner) that I thought it would be nice to not have a phone, at least, not all the time. And yes, I'm talking about a landline. Cell phones don't even work out here where I live. I'm a strange mix of modern and old-fashioned, I suppose. I love technology, but seriously, as soon as I have some extra money I'd like to buy some Amish-style washers from Lehman's. But that's another post altogether.

p.s. If you're on Facebook, & haven't already (thanks [info]wild_heart & [info]cottonmanifesto !) mosey on over to my art page and be a fan. It really will make my day!
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Wrensong [May. 28th, 2009|08:29 am]
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There's a pair of wrens nesting near my house--maybe even in my house, in a small section that's not sided --and I hear them throughout the day, their high chattering song encircling my home. I think they are winter wrens, which is even nicer, since they are a bit uncommon. There's also lots of kingfishers about, with their rattling call and crisp soaring lines of flight over my garden.  And kestrels weaving through the forest.  All these birds are raising their young, caught up in the business of nests and eggs and feeding, feeding, feeding.

Sometimes I think this makes birds very scatterbrained. This time of year, when they are so busy. And it makes me think of myself, also caught up in the rigors of child-rearing. I talk to my sister on the phone, who is raising a seven-month-old, and I can barely remember how we handled certain issues of parenting. That time period is a blur of memories and the feeling of exhaustion coupled with fierce momma-joy. Now my kids are older, and there's thankfully less exhaustion, but still all that nest work and of course open mouths. Feed me! Feed me! Feed me! The song of the wrens around my house reminds me that this is essentially a joyful act.*

McKinley has been sick since Friday. It's been worrying me. I thought it might have been strep throat, and sent him to the doctor on Monday, but the doctor said it was just a bad cold. He seems to get just a tiny bit better each day, and last night he did not wake up coughing--a good sign. He seems to get every cold that comes around, and get it hard. I've been saturating his system with particular herbs--herbs for the lungs, herbs for the immune system, anti-viral herbs, and I think I"m going to keep that up once he's well, too. I'm hoping today will be his last day home, not just because I wish him well, but also because my patience is wearing thin, even with all the wrensong encircling my home.

* I misspelled joyful act when I first typed it as joyful cat--and I've been worried about little wren feathers sticking out of my feline's mouths--let's hope that's not a future reality!


In Other News:

I'll be participating in this event come Saturday.  I know exactly what I'm going to paint, and I'm going to do some prep for it today & tomorrow.

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the dance of last night [May. 27th, 2009|08:52 am]
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In the very last tinge of dusk, when the sky was still a milky blue, my husband walked out onto our balcony to observe the night sky. Within moments he had peeked his head back, calling us to come see the light show. I was reading "The Silver Chair" to the littles, who were curled against me like hot water bottles--I absorbed their warmth while they absorbed my voice.

"What is it?" I queried. "Fireflies?" For we had not yet seen the fireflies emerge, and with all this rain it will certainly be a good year for them.

"No, no...something else! Come see! Come see!" he appealed, inciting a love of mystery.

So we climbed off the bed and walked through the door. Above us the sky was nearly completely clear. A few small clouds skirted across in gray dress. But towering above us in the Eastern sky was a radiant white cumulus God. And high in the mind of that great cloud lightning was flashing. We counted together, children and adults both rapt with attention.

One....two...thre...four...five...six...seven...eight...nine....thunder.

"Surely that's not nine miles away? Do you think, J?" I asked him.

He raised his eyebrows. Who's to know the answer to that question? What a marvel! A cloud nine miles deep, nine mile high. It flashed again, and we counted with the mississippi part this time, for more scientific accuracy....five miles. This seemed more realistic a number.

The gray clouds continued to march beneath the tower of white, like horses carrying a silver-gilded chariot. Between their shifting wet hooves and the shadows of our garden, the first sparkles of fireflies danced. Our breathing was hushed in the dark air.

Lightning again. Another scientific count. Nine miles.

The clouds thundered in, and one ferocious finger of lightening bridged Heaven and Earth. One, two miles away. Then the rain came, a roaring chorus of rain, and we retreated into the house, the cloud above us now, a nine-miled column of cloud, a Silver Lord, dancing with his consort, Rainwoman.

The air was lush with excitement.
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poppies & prints [May. 26th, 2009|09:10 am]
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I've put up lots of new prints in my etsy shop...you can see them here!  Mention this blog in the checkout and I'll give you a twenty percent discount! If you don't want to set up an etsy account, you can just email me and we can handle the transaction ourselves.

Last night it rained and rained and rained. Sometimes passionately. Yesterday it rained and rained and rained, sometimes passionately, but spots of sun came through, too, and in the afternoon Renee and I went into my garden and planted things. Tomatoes first. Two "aunt ginny's purple," one "green zebra," and one whose little tag wore off and whose name I've thus forgotten. (I've got more tomatoes in the second garden, which has been planted and tended to by our interns, along with onions and potatoes galore). Then I planted three boneset plants (Eupatorium perfoliatum), a native herb used for the treatment of colds and influenza, and a soapwort (Saponaria officinalis). Throughout most of this Renee had been wandering through the garden plucking radishes or having little conversations with plants. At one point she was weeding (really more like trimming, as she was cutting the weeds with scissors) when she let out a piercing little scream and ran from one end of the garden to the other. It was a spider, which she adeptly described. Renee is petrified of spiders. I tried explaining to her that she was in more danger running across the garden with scissors in her hand than from this spider, regardless of its size, but my logic fell on deaf ears. And by this time it had started to rain again, just a bit of a sprinkle, really, but we headed inside to start dinner.

But the main reason for our visit to the garden was the poppies. Renee had not yet seen them, though really all she had to do was glance the garden's way and her eye would have been caught by their outrageous orange-ness. In fact as we started walking to the garden gate the instant she saw them she started to run with eagerness. They are truly amazingly orange!



These poppies are perennials, though I've planted some Zahir poppies in my front garden.  They're purple, but not yet blooming.  Of course I'll post photos when they do.


 
 

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puzzling [May. 21st, 2009|08:42 pm]
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Last Christmas I purchased a "Colorado Puzzle" for my kids. Renee played with it some, but it wasn't long before it was sitting on a shelf, forgotten.

Until I took it to my desk. Now it's mine. I find it to be immensely therapeutic in one of those indescribable ways. Maybe in the same kind of way as knitting seems to be for some people.

Anyway, I thought I'd take a photo of these designs I come up with, just for fun.  
Here's one I did yesterday:









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Studio blessings [May. 21st, 2009|10:14 am]
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My studio is really close to my house, but certain features make it seem farther away. My house sits just outside of the bounds of the forest, while my studio sits just within. And up. My studio is up. So I walk into the forest, and up. Yesterday, just as I had stepped into the forest, a white flutter of wings streaked right before me, then landed in the twisting arms of a rhododendron only fifteen feet away from me. I gasped. Just as quickly as it landed it flew off again, obviously disturbed by my presence, but I saw enough of it to know what it was--a kestrel. I have never observed kestrels in the forest before, but I'm pretty sure that this is the bird that is nesting south of my studio, where the border of the forest bleeds from thick to overgrown pasture.

Many other wonderful things happened yesterday. I made a little notebook for myself. I call it my abundance notebook, and I'm using it to keep better track of my money. I know some people are born with this skill, or maybe just a natural ability to be organized, but I am only recently really getting the hang of it. This little book will help make the process more beautiful! I made it green, cause don't we all know that's the color of money, with graph paper and blank paper alternating on each page. This way I can make little notes and whatnot on the blank page, while the graph paper can be the "official" record.

The materials I used: graph paper (printed off the internet on 100% post-consumer recycled paper), recycled kraft cover stock, handmade paper purchased from my local tea~paper shop, a razor, a ruler, some green thread (not-pictured).

( the finished product ) </a></div>


My wonderful hubbadoodle took my large tabletop (it's 4' x 8' and is a huge collage under glass that heretofore had been sitting about eighteen inches off the floor) and made a table frame for it in my studio. This is very exciting, and maybe I can take some pictures today after I've cleaned up the space. Right now it's a bit of a disaster because of all the rearranging. And all of this is just in time, as I received an exciting email from a gallery that I've been interested in for awhile. More on that when it's all official.</div>
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camera woes return [May. 20th, 2009|11:02 am]
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I thought my camera woes were over, but it seems that my camera is bent on making me grit my teeth. I"m so sad about it. It won't go into playback mode (the button is shot, maybe?) so I can't fix this other little issue whereby the little card is "not initialized" every time I pull photos off of it.  It's like all this funky stuff that chants new camera, new camera, new camera.  

Actually I have two cameras.  One is this Fuji finepix 4900.  It's a nice camera for me--way more than a point and shoot, but not super deluxe.  This is the one that is driving me nuts.  My other camera is a point and shoot, fine for what it's meant to do, but no macro worth a damn, and for some reason it won't connect to my computer.  So I have to put all the pics in J's computer, and then transfer them to mine, usually by email.  And that takes forever. 

So.  If anyone wants to trade an nice used camera that they don't use because they have a super deluxe camera in exchange for some art, let me know.  I'm so game right now.


 




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strange mix [May. 19th, 2009|08:33 am]
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I wake up this morning a strange mix of jubilation and despair. The rising Sun glints on the railing of my balcony and I rush outside. The air is cold, and I lay my still sleeping palms on a thick soppy frost. It immediately melts. I glance down to my garden with a heaving sigh. I'll go down later and see what damage has been done. The lupines were in full flower, but they are pretty hardy. The uppermost flower buds of the peonies were just beginning to reveal their burlesque ruffles. What about the borage, the calendula? What about the poppies in the garden along the South wall? Or the tomatoes and heliotrope that haven't even been planted in the ground...

If the tomatoes have been nipped then there will be a run on tomato plants at our local greenhouse. Which means I'd best get up and get going, see what needs re-planting, see what has suffered from the icy tooth of crystalline dew.

And while this motivates me, turns my attention towards something that needs doing, I still linger with this strange mix that is delight at being alive, and a sadness with the way things are. I suppose that, more than anything, it means I'm really present to the day, to the glory and green of spring, while a late frost bites at the tenderness of life.  I'll stay with it, not rush off for tomatoes or whatever else might grab my attention.  And I'll settle into breathing, deep down, and remember that I'm so happy to be here, in this garden of Earth.  With frost or without, there's a mystery to being alive that can't ever be laid out under a microscope, there's a mystery to life on Earth that unravels me and bares my heart to both the frost and the green, and like the peony I'm still planning on flirting out my pink skirt, I'm still planning on blooming.




p.s.  I just took the above photo...it looks like most everything will be fine, even my tomatoes!  The only things that got hit really hard were the marigolds my kids gave me for mother's day.  They are limp and wilted. :(
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my camera woes are over! [May. 18th, 2009|12:47 pm]
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Bluets, down by the river
 
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my website [May. 15th, 2009|06:25 pm]
Well, I've worked on it on and off for over a year, and I think it's finally at a point where I can say, a website is always a work in progress, but mine is definitely now presentable. So, here it is:
woodbyrd.com
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(no subject) [May. 14th, 2009|07:49 am]
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Yesterday:
  • a hike up in the morning, and I can feel the growing strength in my legs
  • ate some chocolate
  • transplanted calendula and motherwort to various places around the house, thus making new flower~herb beds where before only grass and plantain grew
  • planted heartsease & a chasteberry tree (plant purchases from a few weeks ago)
  • found the baby lupine that was transplanted early in the Spring was still alive (a miracle!) and weeded around it and gave it lots of compost and adoration
  • ate some chocolate
  • realized how lucky I am to be able to spend the greater portion of the day gardening
  • did two loads of laundry
  • helped McKinley with his homework
  • realized I had to take a short nap (this was caused by eating lunch too late, coupled with a liver in need of nourishment. You can tell your liver is a bit whooped if you're tired after you eat)
  • looked over the garden bed that McKinley made all on his own while I napped. It's complete with spade-softened earth, and has posts and chicken wire around it. I swelled up with pride.
  • realized I have the most wonderful hubbie in the world, who cheerfully made dinner because I was stressing out about it
  • ate some chocolate
  • read Chapter XI of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader to my littles
  • ate some....ha! gotcha! went to bed
Today the air is damp and cold, and everything is wet from a very early morning rain. I'll lay off the gardening today...for I'm bound to the studio this morning, and then a haircut after lunch. My goal for today is to have a sustained level of energy, rather than crashing out at 3, so I can do all my motherly domestic things with vim and vigor. I plan on accomplishing this by paying better attention to when I eat, and nourishing my liver with a dandelion root infusion.
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a good night [May. 12th, 2009|10:43 pm]
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Lately I've been taking my walks up into the forest rather than along the road. One might wonder why I would ever choose road over forest and the answer is actually rather simple. The forest goes up, really up, and the road runs next to a delightful mountain creek.

But the exercise of going up, up, up has proven to be quite beneficial for me, and the medicine of the forest itself is powerful. Indeed, the woods are lush with herbal medicine, which I think speaks to the true nature of the forest. There's blue cohosh, ginseng, wild ginger, mountain mint, bloodroot, and mayapples. And besides all that, the pileated woodpeckers are announcing their presence constantly, with drumming and vocals, which is particularly meaningful for me, as I have a thing for pileated woodpeckers.

So I've been feeling great. And it's been raining a lot, which is also a good thing. My garden is doing great, and I've lots of projects on hand to keep me busy. I must transplant the multitudes of motherwort and skullcap that have sprouted up! And prepare a few new places near the house for planting herbs and flowers! And now's the time for basil and squash and tomatoes and all their friends. Plus I still have about twelve heartsease (johnny jump ups) to plant in assorted spots throughout the garden. Sunday I planted something like thirty-six of the cheery flowers. Ahhh. Clearly, I need to take pictures.

Today I did not work in the garden. I went to Asheville with my brother and we went out to lunch at Salsa's, my favorite restaurant--he was easily convinced to buy me lunch, as a certain event of this week grants me such favors. But I bought my own margarita.

Then we went grocery shopping, which was so much more fun, thanks to the aforementioned drink! I bought a lot of chocolate. Besides, I love hanging out with my brother. I'm eleven years older than him, but quickly regress to the folly and jolly of youth when we are out and about together. There's really no regressing required for him to be in that space of...youthfulness, as it seems he never left it to begin with.

I got home and mucked out the goat barn. I'll be a little stiff in the morning for that, I bet, but not the bad kind. I'll wake up and stretch and yawn like a great big ole cat and kick everyone else out of my bed. Including the real cats.

For now Renee has claimed her father's spot in the bed, until he decides he's ready to slumber. The window above my bed is open, and I can still hear a few spring peepers. But mostly I hear the creek and the river, and the gurgle of the thin lick of a stream--technically a branch--that runs through our property. And the soft breathing of my daughter. It is a good night.
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found today [May. 8th, 2009|08:47 pm]
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I write to discover what I know.
--Flannery O'Connor
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Let the Green Begin! [May. 5th, 2009|07:59 am]
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It's raining again this morning, and I can delight in this, armed as I am with a strong cup of coffee. My hubbie delivers my coffee to me every morning. Aren't I so lucky?

Speaking of hubbie, we've been married nine years since last week. In that time we:
*started our own businesses (2)
*had two babies, sixteen months apart (for a total of five)
*homeschooled at various intervals, for a total of about four years
*bought a house that used to be a barn (and still bore a strong resemblance to such a structure in terms of draftiness & wobbliness)that came also with a large shop for our business(es)
*built my studio
*started raising chickens
*sold one business for a nice sum
*renovated house and added on a
*tore down shop before it fell down on us
*became solar-powered and solar-water-heated
*bought the house next door
*started another business
*started raising goats
*built a tiny pentangle house for our eldest daughter
*renovated our house some more

Also in that time, I've built a large garden, which is where I spent most of my time yesterday. I planted a few of the plants I purchased at the Herb Fest: false indigo, fire pink, and vervain. Then I weeded out lots of grass, and made some beds bigger so I could transplant volunteer calendula and borage into spaces where they could actually grow.









My Lucille Ball Alliums are blooming. They look kinda like lollipops, with their tall stalk and big round cluster of purple flowers at the top.

The wood poppy, or American Celandine, is festooned in yellow, four-petaled flowers.

The Creeping Bellworts are dangling their pale lemon jewels, and the Blue Comfrey is tossing its tiny blue bells in the rain. 

There's even a plant blooming in my garden that I've no idea what it is! A friend gave it to me two years ago, and it's now taken off. And it's gorgeous--brilliant pinwheels of tiny violet flowers.  The ever so knowledgeable  [info]ericrovve  has informed me that this plant is Centaurea montana, also known as perenniel cornflower.



My motherwort grew to a massive clump that was covered in greenery earlier in the Spring. I'm guessing that a frost killed it, though, for it's now rotten and brown. But in true mother fashion, the ground is covered in tiny motherwort babies. I'll be transplanting those to various spots both in and out of the garden. The skullcap did a similar number, except that none of it died. It just spread about like mint, which is no surprise since it's in the mint family. I'll need to transplant some of those, too, lest I'm overrun with skullcap. Considering that it's a marvelous nervine tonic (supporting the nervous system), maybe it's not so bad to have so much!

I've sown in trays passionflower, calendula ('cause you can never have enough of this generous herb), bloodflower (tropical milkweed that monarchs ADORE), and from my grandmother's garden: hummingbird vine, hibiscus, and hollyhocks. I've also got a tray of johnny-jump-ups waiting to cheer my garden, plus all the plants I got at the Herb Fest that I haven't planted yet: astragalus, lavender, hardy rosemary, heliotrope, tobacco, boneset, goji berries, lavender poppies, more passionflower, and heirloom tomatoes. I'm probably forgetting something.

How quickly the green returns, and with it the expectation and delight of the garden! I'm always blown away by the abundance of the Earth, how, with attention and awareness, one can gather seeds and grow more and more, how lemon balm and motherwort, mint and bee balm spread, and how the great root plants like elecampane, valerian, butterfly weed and echinacea expand each year. Abundance is the natural state of the Earth, and it's the kind of abundance that requires your hands and your heart. The best kind.

p.s. the dogwoods are blooming, too

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Unveiling [May. 4th, 2009|09:14 am]
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Morning rain has cleared to Monday sunshine. This means the garden is sated and readying itself for blooming, and also that the forest will be thicker and wet when I hike up into it presently.

It's been a wild weekend of Herb Festing (which will get its own post shortly) and family visiting. Lots of traveling. So I am glad for Monday and the stillness it offers. This is ironic, of course, because Monday is rarely still around here, but comparatively speaking, it's more still than being on the road four hours, like I was yesterday.

This weekend also marks the completion of a new painting, whose progress I had documented here. I also had a poll a long while back: "Guess the Title" Nobody guessed the correct title!

Here it is, for your viewing pleasure:



"Ecstasy"
pastel on paper


This painting is second chakra therapy!  Hence the title.  And we all need second chakra therapy, don't you think, whether its for sexuality or creativity or all around juiciness.  Look for prints (large sized!) at my etsy shop! 

If you participated in my "guess the title" poll* and want to buy a print, then you are entitled to a 20% discount!  That's my way of saying thanks.  

*That would be:   [info]manifest_now , [info]megalopoet , [info]eneit , [info]thehotpinkheat , [info]firthofforth , [info]createdestiny , [info]cottonmanifesto , [info]badgerbear 
 





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Writer's Block: Indulgences [Apr. 22nd, 2009|01:45 pm]

Your birthday is a time when you get to indulge in all your favorite things. So indulge us—what's your favorite LJ post?


View other answers

[info]createdestiny  did this, and then asked everyone to do it, too.  So, here's mine.  The memory of this still makes me laugh.  I guess when I wrote it Renee was 5 and McKinley was 6.
Requiem for a Rooster

I'm not sure what the birthday has to do with it.  Was it your birthday recently, oh delicious [info]createdestiny ?



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returning [Apr. 21st, 2009|09:59 pm]
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I copied this poem into my journal today—a new journal of only 28 pages, not even yet saddle-stitched, though I will do that, too. I am tired of big journals that require months and months (or even more than a year) to fill, and I’ve been wanting to make my own for some time now. Anyway, the poem, by Hafiz (translated, I believe, by Daniel Ladinsky, but I’d have to double check. This particular poem I tore from the book years ago and placed under glass in a collage with pictures and quotes and photos):


Only One Rule

The sky
Is a suspended blue ocean.
The stars are the fish that swim.

The planets are the white whales I sometimes
Hitch a ride
On,

The sun and all light
Have forever fused themselves into my heart,
And upon my skin.

There is only one rule on this Wild Playground,
Every sign that Hafiz has ever seen
Reads the same.
They all say,

“Have fun, my dear; my dear, have fun,
In the Beloved’s divine Game,

O, In the Beloved’s
Wonderful
Game.”


Isn't it fun, to feel your self coming back after a period of stress?  That's what today was like for me.  In the morning I hiked up the ridge behind my house.  Of course my dogs came, but curiously, and endearingly, two of my cats came as well.  The forest floor is coming alive.  The blue cohosh is already blooming.  There's a huge patch of it, and I like to think of it up there, waving in the night air.  Mountain mint is sprouting up, too.  I will be transplanting a few plants of both of these to my garden.

I worked in the studio today for the first time in many weeks.  Really this is how I come back to myself.  Not necessarily being in the studio so much as honoring my creative and spiritual needs, instead of shrinking from them.

I also pieced together the aforementioned journal, and wrote two little poems, and a few pages more.  I sat on the deck of my studio and watched the clouds fly to the East, dappling the ground with their shade.

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vibrations [Apr. 13th, 2009|10:33 am]
Last night before I went to bed I sat out on my deck and listened to a pair of spring peepers. It was curious to hear just two peepers, as they usually are a full chorus. How rich and clear are their voices. Peeping is not the right word, it is more of a high chant, a velvet yet piercing trill, a fluted voice.

Wrapped in a thin sweater shawl, I felt the ethereal caress of the breathing night. The high whisper of the river was joined by the gurgling laugh of the small branch that runs by the north end of my house. I thought about the preciousness of water, the ancient song that is the Toe River, the blessing of living here.

Then I went to bed, and slept well.

The morning brings rain, and a Spring chill. I find myself quarreling internally, complaining about things which are, indeed, minor molehills. I suppose the problem I am seeing is that these minor molehills seem to consume my every breath.

I know this is my perspective, a drumbeat to which I keep dancing, and by all means a malleable beat. Sometimes it seems, though, that however malleable one’s perspective might be, the inner act of shifting one’s thoughts and feelings is no small feat. And when I feel stuck, incapable of producing change, well then, that’s when I ask for help.

St. Johns Wort, specifically, and a call for help from my spirit guides, and a vision of life being calmer. And then I jump into the day.

(After giving myself a little gift: http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=15275222)
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a few things to remember [Apr. 11th, 2009|10:53 pm]
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Yesterday Renee was not feeling so great. She said she wanted to lay in bed, and I offered to bring her some books to read. She liked this idea, and when I asked her what books she might like, she said, "Oh, just pick out what you like, Momma, 'cause that's what I like, too."

So I brought up a lushly illustrated edition of The Velveteen Rabbit, a lushly illustrated fairy book, Richard Scarry's What Do People Do All Day, and a lushly illustrated book about bumblebees. All of these pleased her to no end, and she remarked that I picked out the perfect books, that she loves all these books so much.

A little while later I asked her if she wanted me to read The Velveteen Rabbit to her. It had been a long time since I had read it to her, and while McKinley, who was also present, remembered the story, I don't think she remembered or absorbed the story from before.

She was entranced. And when we got to the sad part, where the bunny goes to the burn pile, she absolutely burst into tears, and had me crying myself, such was the depth of her sweetness and tenderness.

All that emotion was too much for McKinley. He wandered to another part of the room, still within earshot of the story.

So the bunny met the nursery magic fairy, and was turned into a Real Real Bunny, and while that was good, and abated her tears, she was still deeply moved. "That was a sad and happy story, Momma," she snuffled, "because the bunny doesn't get to stay with the boy."

And she squirmed into the cradle of my arms and grew quiet for awhile, her fingers fiddling with my ears.

************************

Mike and Abby have arrived, hooray! I feel like I've been too stressed to properly enjoy their presence, what with all the chicken pox going on along with the usual what-nots. But last night Abby and Katie, and maybe Mike too, made dinner and brought it over. I am so thankful for their hearts and hands.

Earlier in the day Mike was working on their little cabin, which they started building late last summer, and McKinley was helping. I didn't get to see his contribution, but the word was that he was eager and helpful, which makes me proud.

McKinley is a powerhouse of motivation, when it's properly aligned with desire. Early yesterday thunder rumbled, and he jumped to making thundercake, which he had read about for school, and the recipe for which he had promptly copied after finishing the actual drudgery of reading. Abby helped with managing his motivation (I think I was handling myriad tasks), mostly just providing direction for him as he went about collecting all the ingredients and such. Together with Renee's minor assistance they made thundercake, which was downright delicious.

*************************

So the Easter Bunny comes tonight, leaving candy in the garden. They are both very excited about this, and I am exceedingly thankful that I have teenagers who can go to the store and get said candy after the littles have gone to sleep. Now I just have to get up early enough to get it in the garden before they wake up!
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gobbledeegoop [Apr. 10th, 2009|09:31 am]
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J has chicken pox. It has totally sapped his energy. Today is the fourth day.

Renee also has chicken pox. This is her second day. She's doing alright, best when she's doing something and not laying about moaning. She's going to miss out on a birthday party that she was really forward to, and most likely we will not be traveling to Mississippi to meet their new cousin. I haven't broken this news to them yet. I'm trying to plan some other outing to substitute. Sand.

Right now she's out on the deck playing with the eggs we dyed yesterday. I suspect we'll dye more later. We have the pretty Aracauna eggs--mint green, pale turquoise, and pale olive eggs. Eggsellent for dying (sorry, couldn't help myself).

McKinley is also home from school, not because he has chicken pox, but because the possibility of him spreading it makes the school nervous. I don't mind at all--it does make sense--and really we've been enjoying ourselves.

Spring Break is next week, so I don't have to fret about school things for days and days. The contrast this provides to my normal state of existence has me wondering at my normal state of existence. I am under constant, self-inflicted stress. Gotta change that! Sand.
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the thousand-fingered mind [Apr. 6th, 2009|09:40 am]
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I woke first to rain, dappled and splashy. But so glad of its lullaby that of course I fell back asleep, and then found myself wanting to start this morning slow and delicious, in a welcoming sort of way, rather than the trumpet-call of “hurry, hurry, hurry.”

It went well, if one does not gauge the morning by whether or not one is late, or rather, one’s children are late, for school. It’s impossible for me to be late, thankfully, since I am self-employed. precisely because I frown upon trumpet-calls. OK, there are other reasons, too, but mostly neither I nor my husband can imagine it any other way. I still toy in my mind with the thought of homeschooling both my kids, and I know that for me homeschooling and self-employment spring from the same root—the reclamation of one’s life as one’s own.

Last night in that small space of quiet in between when the kids go to sleep and my own sleep I thought a little about this, about how, more often than not, I am stressed or worried about something. It’s almost as if the mind must have something to roll between its one thousand fingers, and if you don’t purposefully choose a mantra of joy or some higher intent, your mind will default to more reptilian instincts.

But I want to think in a new way. I’ve noticed how I always say I don’t have enough time. Or I stress about how some aspect of my home is in dire need of cleaning. Or perhaps it is one of those days filled with deadlines and many errands, and I find myself overwhelmed. This or that, there’s always something to distract me from my own joy, from my mind fingering the silk rope of happiness, and I find that just being aware of this thought pattern has helped my turn more to towards that state of being that is joy and not distraction.

Because really joy has nothing to do with whether or not I need to run errands, or if my house is clean (no, really). Joy is a lusty embrace of living, a presence to the beauty of each moment. And I find that by turning towards that, even if it is ever-so-slightly, my life takes on a depth that I had previously written off.

My mind will need something to turn its attention to. This is the nature of the mind, is it not? And it takes radiant willpower for me to give my mind’s one thousand fingers the wooden beads of appreciation to turn over and over, or that silk rope of happiness to braid, dropping the chains of distraction. Radiant willpower. It’s a gift I can give myself today.
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click to satisfaction [Apr. 3rd, 2009|08:39 am]
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This morning I woke up on the other side of the nasty cold that has Renee still coughing. Last night it hit me hardest, and due to my achiness and snuffliness and grumpiness I stayed in bed from mid-afternoon on into the night.

That’s when I discovered online jigsaw puzzles. I put together countless puzzles last night, changing the shape of the cut—from classic to doves to lizards. I am addicted now to the satisfying click sound the puzzle makes when you get a piece right. Sometimes I think it is a very curious thing to be a human.

I’m going to spend a little bit of time this morning straightening and decluttering my bedroom and Renee’s. It will be so pleasant to have her room cleaned. Every time I walk past it I think poorly of myself. It may be curious to be a human, but it is even more curious to be a mother.

And on a side note: SCORE! I found a local and entirely reasonable boyfriend for my does! ($25 for stud service rather than $100)
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it's spring! time for flowers! [Mar. 31st, 2009|03:50 pm]
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I put up lots of wildflower prints on my Etsy shop today! They are on sale to make room for more recent works, check them out! stephanietberry.etsy.com

I mentioned this in a previous post, but the post was so long I doubt anyone mucked their way through the whole thing, so I'm going to mention it again, in this short and sweet format:  My friends Pete & Kim have an Etsy site now (mcwhirterpottery.etsy.com), and though there's not much there yet, it's definitely worth a click to see and read about their Dragon Mugs.  They'll be more stuff at their shop soon, so stop back often!

That's all for now!

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One High, One Low [Mar. 31st, 2009|09:49 am]
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( Sunday )



( Monday )



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the Rain, the Blessings, the Rain [Mar. 27th, 2009|05:56 pm]
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I started today with a guided meditation entitled "Shower of Light." It was an incredible start to a day that has only gotten better and better. Yeah, I'm down with that!

Our dear friends Badger and Naomi joined us for one last breakfast before they headed on their way, and Katie joined us, too. She will be here all the way into October! Hooray! I went to the garden before breakfast and harvested stinging nettles, chickweed, chives, and fennel to cook with our eggs. My fingers still tingle from the nettles, in a way I like. There were also sausage patties locally sourced and bread that J had started the day before and cooked this morning. After breakfast we all hung out a little bit. They wrote birthday wishes for my daughter Alex, who turns nineteen today!

It was at this juncture that Naomi turned to me in her exuberant warm way and said, "You look just radiant with light!" I told her about the shower of light meditation, and promised to hook her up with that. Then I tried to do a little work, and realized how stressed that made me. So I decided that I am open now to receiving a joyful business/financial experience.

When they left, J and Katie and Badger and Naomi and I all did a group hug and an "OM" together. That was wildly wonderful! I am so blessed!

Katie brought to our attention that today was the day after the New Moon, and what with the rain and all, it was a perfect day to plant. So we went out to the garden and prepared two beds. Instead of bothering with rows and that sort of planting, which I've never really liked, I mixed together a whole bunch of different seeds and broadcast them in an entire bed. I can't remember what all was in there! It will be fun to see what happens. Katie planted beets and turnips.

Katie and I got totally soaked, in a delicious Spring way, and had wonderful conversation all afternoon. We talked about writing up a project list, which blossomed into a vision board, which then found a designated wall space with the potential for a long thin shelf as an altar.

Neighbor Jerry called. I needed to run down the road and pick up a box of brownies.

McKinley found a hen's stash of twenty-five eggs under the back stairs (twenty-seven actually, but two were bad). We washed them together and now he's drying them and putting them in a bowl.

In a little bit, J and I are going to the community center for the Lucky Candle Cafe, a twice-monthly dinner (cooked by whoever in the community has stepped up to the plate) and open-mike gathering. Tonight's dinner is venison stew cooked by the mountain-est man I know who lives down the road from us. We'll treat our daughter to a birthday dinner there.

And the rain keeps falling, and the Earth soaks up that blessing, deeply, to bestow it throughout the summer. I am this Earth. I soak up the blessings. And know I can hold still more.
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Morning Fog Musings [Mar. 27th, 2009|08:05 am]
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It has rained all week, and the forecast calls only for more rain until Monday. I will not complain about this, because I know it to be a blessing of fertility that will stretch into summer's drier months. And thankfully that rain is not as cold as it started out, so that walking in it doesn't chill me to the bone.

This morning a thick fog has replaced the chatter of showers, and my horizon has shifted from the cloudswept ridge in the East to the trees at the edge of my property. The effect of fog is always so discombobulating to me. It's as if the ridges anchor and cradle me, and without the sight of them I wonder that I could be anywhere, somewhere flat, like the even spread of Mississippi where I grew up.

But that's just a little game my eye plays, because of course I know that the mountains are there, despite the fog, just as I know that I am nourished and changed by living here, at the foot of a great and Giant Goddess. Even if it's something I can't see, it is definitely something I can feel. And though I marvel at the wonders of the world, and imagine myself traveling into adventures, it is here that is my home, it is to this place that I belong.
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Etsy Sale & Thanks [Mar. 26th, 2009|04:41 pm]
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So this week I sent off a print to my first Etsy customer, and this afternoon she left this feedback:

There is something mystical about Stephanie's work that can't adequately be transcended via photos! I absolutely LOVE it!

And I just want to say that I am SO thankful and SO happy for these words, and for all the words of encouragement that I have received recently from my LJ friends.  Your comments and appreciation of my work means SO MUCH to me!!!!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!



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Studio Update, Spring Equinox [Mar. 20th, 2009|09:53 pm]
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Oy!  What a day!  Oy!  What a week!  Has your head ever been so completely full, and your body so tired that, while you know you are in desperate need of some sort of processing, or release, or something, you still just don't know where to begin?  (yes, of course!  Everyone experiences that!)  But here's where I'll begin.  ( with a visit, and a renegade goat, and then a work in progress )
 

And this is my wishing you a delightful warm weekend, especially you folks in places even colder than mine!</div>
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Etsy Shop! [Mar. 18th, 2009|12:39 pm]
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One of my goals this year was to get an Etsy shop up and running, and I've done it!
You can find it here: stephanietberry.etsy.com

The Grand Opening for my shop is planned for May 1st.  That's  when I'll have lots of new work-- originals & prints & cards--listed there.  For now, I'm clearing out prints of my older work.  For example:
"Everywhere there Blooms this Luminous Light"
The reign of Winter can seem to last forever, especially during its last lingering weeks.  Sometimes in the mountains those last weeks can stretch into months, or the spell of Spring can be broken by a hard frost, even an April snow.  It is during the homestretch of Winter that our eyes, sore with the grays and browns of an empty forest, begin to yearn for the color green, the sweet smell of daffodils, and a warmer Sun.  But always--even in these lean times--there is a deeper Light, present in all things, and when we expand our awareness of this Light in the world around us, it grows within us as well.  Everywhere it blooms, casting its delight into the air.
 
 

&

"Trout Lily Chorus"
In Autumn of 2004 the hurricane season brought copious rains to the Southern Appalachians.  From my home, which is near the South Toe River, we could hear the full roar of the flooding river.  Venturing closer we could hear the resounding cracks of boulders being tumbled downstream by the force of the raging waters.  The river was everywhere.  I feared that the same waters that were tumbling boulders like pebbles would wreck havoc on the fertile river bottomland that gives me so much beauty and rejuvenation,  So the following Spring, when the peeper frogs began their electric green summoning song, I ventured down to the river to hunt wildflowers.  Behold the power of roots!  Trout lilies were blooming to the call of the peepers.

You can find more at my shop, plus sizes, prices, etc.  Hope you can make it over. 

And that's the news of the day!

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bluebirds and roosters [Mar. 18th, 2009|10:28 am]
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This morning a female bluebird was perched on my deck railing, looking at my bedroom window.  I practically had a bird orgasm.  The Sun was beating down on a thick fog that covers our valley, so I didn't get the thrill of flashing blue wings, but her fat orange scarf and steady black eyes was enough. I've been seeing bluebirds all about our Berrytown, which means there are more than last year.  I MUST put bells on the cats, especially Frost.  Oh, how we will despise me for that degradation. 

There are lots of other things I need to do, too.  Spring is at hand!  I simply must eat some roosters.  I've got too many and they are torturing my hens.  I caught the three I'm least fond of, and put them in the goat pen for now. ( Maybe tonight.  That would leave me with one Rhode Island Red, one Araucana, one Black Star (not actually sure of the breed), and one small bantam cochin, who is so small that the hens pick on him).   And the goats need to be out at pasture again, which means the fence needs some maintenance.  And I've GOT to get a boyfriend for my does, if I want kids by August.  There's lots of other assorted land management chores that need to get done, and I don't want to list them all here, because I don't want to get overwhelmed.

For now, the Sun has burnt away the fog and the air is filled with birdsong.  I will go on my walk, keeping an eye out for more bluebirds.  It's a lucky day!
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Rainy Sunday [Mar. 16th, 2009|12:27 am]
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It's Sunday night, and late. I've not moved much today, just sat around, on the computer mostly. This morning I put a few new listings on my Etsy site, and later in the day we all watched "Princess Mononoke." McKinley really enjoyed the movie, as well he should. I told him that it was after watching that same movie, while heavily pregnant with him, that I decided that I couldn't name him Zachary. Something just wasn't right about the name. Later on a walk the name McKinley came to me, and I knew right away that this was the right name for my child, whom I already knew was going to be a rambunctions free-spirited wild thing. (I was right). Before bed we read three chapters of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe," followed by McKinley reading to me from a "Ranger Rick" magazine. Renee decided to pick up where we left off with C.S. Lewis--she's a natural reader, whereas McKinley is a little more resistant to...well, just about everything, unless it was his idea.

All this lulling about might be okay, since last night was the Ani DiFranco show, and it was just incredible. How I needed to dance! And oh, that woman does things to me. She is so completely herself, she's medicine for me, to be more myself. Courage in a song, I'd say. This does not explain why I laid about all day, unless that is my natural inclination?

So tomorrow is Monday, and I've planned to finish setting up an office in our shop next door. This is all part of my bigger plan to help J with his work while also being able to do some of mine, such as printing, and shipping off all those Etsy orders that I'm magnetizing to my inbox. I'm not sure how I'm going to get everything done that I need to get done in a day. I need to become super-organized. As in, what's for dinner tomorrow? I need to know that by the morning, so I can have it ready without stress or wasting time. As in, I've read all my mail, and it's not in huge stacks waiting for sorting. As in, all those shipping boxes are in order, and packing supplies put away. You know, I don't really think I want to be super-organized, now that I think of it. I suppose I'll have to figure out another way.
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ani [Mar. 15th, 2009|12:02 am]
Ani Is Medicine.
Best show ever.
Tonight, at the Orange Peel.
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sodom & gomorrah [Mar. 12th, 2009|10:29 pm]
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So I live in a dry county. No, that does not mean I live in a desert, it means I live in the Bible Belt. I'm still not sure where in the bible it says, "Thou shall not drinketh," nor would I care even if it did, BUT lots of bible-thumpin' folks that have lived in these mountains for ages are definitely wanting to stick with their Prohibition roots. Never mind that heritage of moonshine. All the shiners were punished with horrible deaths for the sin of drinkething.

However! The big town (big is definitely relative here) one county over, all of which was also dry, has just voted to sell alcohol. It's the talk of the town. Anyway, I picked this up off the opinion page of a local news web site (for our am radio station)--and it is just too hilarious to not share:

Well we got progress now. I’m so glad that this town has decided to put our children, the future of this town at risk. The only progress we have now is the jump in drunk driving offences, and drinking related deaths. Thank you Spruce Pine for putting my soon to be driving children at risk. That’s what I call progress. Progress is not in a bottle, but it is in the Bible. May God have mercy on your vote and spare our children from harm. I pray that God gives me the strength when I get a knock on my door or a phone call, late in the evening, that my child is hurt, or worse. The blood of innocent is on your hands. Thanks for your so called progress. As far as more jobs for our county, webb’s funeral home might have more jobs available to handle in increase in sales, so I guess that will help our economy. Our daughters may get jobs as pole dancers, that will help the economy. What’s next for our town an adult book store? I have a vote for our town, let’s vote to change the name of our town from Spruce pine to Sodom and Gomorrah

Larry Robinson
Spruce Pine

I personally think an adult book store would give Spruce Pine some flavor.  And my daughter could make bank as a pole dancer.  She needs a job! 

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work in progress: we rise from this earth [Mar. 12th, 2009|09:39 pm]
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Here's the beginnings of the watercolor & ink that I started yesterday.
I got some more work done on it today, but didn't have time to scan it!
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the garden in march [Mar. 11th, 2009|11:05 pm]
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Today was just fabulous. It all started with a visit to my garden. (Well, let's not get carried away here, it all started with J and I oversleeping and the kids being an hour and a half late for school. Oops. We do that from time to time, and the whole world frowns on it. And the whole world is just going to have to deal.) But after we got the kids off to school, we did some creative lounging, wherein J and I set a positive tone for the day. Then he went to work, and I fed the animals, and collected the eggs (some absolutely gorgeous pale turquoise and mint green ones, along with the more prolific taupe eggs), and then went on a walk. J came with me, and we marveled at this beautiful place we live in. When we got back I made the visit to the garden.

The garden is March is such a hopeful place. So many of my plant friends are already making their move. Oriental poppies, for one. There's one growing in a place I didn't remember planting. And my fire-pinks, which I so gleefully planted last summer, are also making a show of a bit of green. Dare I hope for their star red flowers this June? Oh, the delight at the mere thought! Fire-pinks are the first Southern Appalachian wildflower I ever fell in love with, back some sixteen years ago, when I was camping on the top of Mount Pisgah, trying to find a place to live in Asheville. You can be sure if my fire-pinks bloom, I will be painting them! The hyssop is at work, and the horehound is already so big that I know I'm going to have to stay on top of it this year, lest I be overrun with it. Which is fine, because it's the kind of herb I need a lot of, for cough medicine. (Did I ever mention I made horehound candy last year? Looks like I'll be making lots more of that!) The Lady's Mantle is also doing well, and the peonies have their sharp red thumbs sticking out of the ground. And the great blue lobelia, too, has already put out new leaves. I imagine this year that plant will be enormous.

I wish I had pictures to share, though when I look at last year's pictures of the garden in March I wonder if they are as exciting to everyone else as they are to me. When I look at these tiny-leafed beginnings, I see also what will come...red star flowers with a cleft in the tip, or tall racemes of blue flowers where bees linger and hum. Or the bitter taste of horehound, the citron tang of lemon balm. Regardless, the crown jewel of the garden right now is the singular crocus, and that is what made my day so fabulous. Because I sat down in the greening sunlight and sketched this crocus, along with the golden oregano leaves and the frayed remains of an echinacea bloom. And then I went to my studio and started to ink in the shadows and the earth. What happened has me so excited! I wish I could show you, and perhaps tomorrow I shall. Until then, I hope your day was as fabulous as mine, and if it wasn't, I hope some crocuses bloom for you tomorrow.
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daylight savings overdraft [Mar. 9th, 2009|05:47 pm]
I'm sitting outside on my deck. It's really more like a glorified balcony, since it goes out from my second-story bedroom. It is warm today, and the birdsong fills the air. My dogs Oscar and Toby are out here with me, as is Frost, our luscious white micro-Lion.

The day after the start of Daylight Saving is always a bit of a grind on me, and today especially! I slept poorly, thanks to the silver moonlight cascading in my room, but also because of the delicious Brain Freeze (a wicked concoction of ice, espresso beans, coffee, chocolate, and whipped cream) that I drank yesterday afternoon. I'll never learn my lesson with that drink. It is SO YUMMY. However, I might not drink it again at the turn of Daylight Saving Time. I really needed it this morning!

So that lack of sleep has me in a bit of a funk. Turtle-ish, more so than usual. So I am appreciating the warm weather and the gorgeous place where I live. I'll appreciate Daylight Savings in a day or two, after my precious sleep schedule has adjusted properly.
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Shopping Strategies [Feb. 28th, 2009|11:02 pm]
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I am not going to shop at chain stores anymore. With the possible exception of Lowe's. 

From now on, I'm going to buy either:
  • used (books & children's clothes come first to mind)
  • local (I am fortunate to live in an area that is great for this)
  • handmade (can you say Etsy?)
There's no hierarchy here for me-- though I know the importance of buying local, I am totally and completely hooked on Etsy.

Just thought I'd make that known so that when I screw up and go to Target y'all can give me hell.

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Studio Update [Feb. 28th, 2009|12:19 am]
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First and foremost, I would like to invite you to listen my reading of one of my journal entries here.  It's a very sweet mama story.  Still trying to figure out if an MP3 would be better than using Mac's own set-up of sending a recording to iWeb.  It'll take a little tweaking to get it all right, and I've still got a lot of learning to do, technologically speaking as well as otherwise, about recording, but made a goal for myself to start posting my reading of some of my writings on my blog and website.  The above link takes you to my first offering.  It's a short piece, and the recording quality could be better--- I need my techno super man (as in J) to come up to the studio and lend his omnisciencse in all things electronic.  Give it a listen, though!  It's just a hair over three minutes long, and you can listen to my Southern voice. 

Not much else has happened in the studio, mostly due to sickness.  I do, however, have a series of progression photos from work I did last week on the untitled piece pictured here several weeks ago.  












Slow but steady wins the race, y'all!


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Barn Dream [Feb. 27th, 2009|09:17 am]
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The morning brings rain, and a magnetism to the warmth of the bed that is hard to overcome. The kids end up being late for school, which in my mind is better than being thrust into an already slow-starting day with harried preparations for school. I managed to even pack Renee and McKinley their lunches, which I aspire to but rarely accomplish. Watching them walk down the driveway with their little healthful lunches swinging by their sides, I feel as if a little bit of me is going with them, nurturing them. Silly mama!

Anyway, I think that, aside from the rain and the warm bed, the main reason that I wanted to linger supinely is that I was having the most marvelous dream. I think it’s the best dream I’ve had in awhile. Curiously, all my best dreams always have animals as main players, and this one is no different. Animals have always been main players in my life; when I was a child, I had a menagerie of stuffed animals that were my constant companions. And my adult life is no different, except that none of them are stuffed (well, not yet, those precious goats might make it to that category). I was noting to my sister the other day that wherever I go I have an assortment of animals trailing my shadow. Oscar, my dog-friend of the highest degree, goes always where I do, and if it’s morning (feeding) time, watch out! There will be cats and hordes of chickens too. If the goats weren’t in their pen, they’d trot along, too, instead they are the bleah-eah-eah-ing audience. I am my own parade.

So the dream. The dream was a visit to my friend Nicole’s barn. Nicole and Gaelan are farmers, and this was an Open Barn Party, something I don’t think any farmer in their right mind would try, especially if they had as many animals as my friends had. Aside from the cow & calf, sheep, horse, pigs, cats, dogs, and chickens that they do have, in dreamtime, there were also mules, luminous white llamas, geese (that were wearing hats!), and various other chickens that appeared to be on the genetic fringes of the species. Their barn was beautiful, newly constructed, and I remember looking up and noting how the timbers supported the structure, the fine carpentry joints, the glow of the wood. It was not a huge barn, in any sense, but it was so well-designed that it met the needs of every animal and made the many tasks of animal husbandry flow easily for my friends. I was astounded with how much life the barn sheltered, and even got to pet one of those hat-wearing geese while watching Nicole scrub the bottom of a sick gosling in a tub of water.

In waking life, J and I are in the planning stages for building just such a barn. I don’t know about the mules, especially since, in my dream they pissed with the force of a fire hose, even dousing me at one point (are you noting the real life/dream life continuum?), but I sure would be into having some luminous white llamas, who I would name Angel and Cloud. But what I really want are those geese that wore hats, even if I had to scrub the bottoms of their offspring every once in awhile.
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Wednesday Report, all well and back into the swing of things... [Feb. 26th, 2009|10:20 am]
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After a three day roller coaster ride of sickness, plus two days of stomach bug recovery, wherein I could do some things but by no means all, there is Wednesday. On Wednesday I:
  • figured out a new way to feed my goats their hay.  I'd had a nice blue tub which worked fine for awhile, but then they took to jumping in it, just for the fun of it, thereby fouling the hay in a manner similar to the way they fouled my bed.  So I took one of our homemade tomato cages (four foot fencing looped round to make a 20 inch or so circle) and fastened it to the corner of their pen.  Then I can just shove the hay into it and they gobble it up.  Little improvements such as this make life with the menagerie much more efficient, and therefore pleasurable.
  • paid one past due mortgage payment (for the shop--now we are only a few days late on this month's payment) and then the house (we are current).  Then I wrote pretend checks for the whole loan amount, which induced a majo change in the way I feel about my mortgages altogethr.
  • Had a wonderfully productive conversation with my new career manager, my sister.  I talked about some of the things I've been planning to do, and she nixed some ideas and gave big thumbs up on others.  All in all it's just wonderful to be able to talk with her so much, and to support each other (because I'm her new career manager, too!)
  • Wrote about the night before, which was one to savor.  I'm going to make a voice recording of that entry and post it later (not quite sure about the logistics of that)
  • played a game of Qwirkle with Renee, who was home from school with a false stomach bug.  By the way, this game is loads of fun, especially for parents to play with their kids, but all in all just a very enjoyable game that can be played by a wide range of ages.  I highly recommend it!
  • Made another bank deposit :)
  • Took my kids into Asheville for grocery shopping at Amazing Savings, making one snack stop and one pee stop on the way in. We went out to eat at our favorite inexpensive and delicious Asheville restaurant, and after grocery shopping (where McKinley was not only exceptionally sweet and social with the staff there, but also incredibly helpful with loading the car up with the bags and taking care of the cart) we went, instead of Target, to...
  • Goodwill and bought McKinley some pants for school.  I decided last week after he ripped a hole in a brand new pair of $17 jeans (normally I don't even pay that much for them, but wouldn't you know...) that I wasn't going to but him new pants anymore, except for maybe one nice pair for special events.  So we found two pair that were his size, and some cool T-shirts (he wore his favorite find to school today:  the Obama shirt) as well as some sweet polka dotted pants for Renee, and a long skirt, which she'd been wanting for awhile.  Then McKinley found a car toy that he absolutely fell in love with, and which he bought with his own money.
  • Drove home listening to Renee talk about how she's going to be a "baby nurse" when she grows up.  Parents can drop off their babies and write on a tag what's wrong with them, and Renee will have them on a conveyer belt (she was inspired by the conveyer belt at Amazing Savings), and "take very good care of them in her nurse shop."  There were  a lot more delightful details to her imaginings, including how well she will take care of her baby, driving it around in an electric car as opposed to her brother's imagined Ferrari.
  • Came home to brother Sean and daughter Rae whipping up a King Cake for a procrastinating pagan Fat Tuesday.  Had it for breakfast this morning, with black coffee.  Yummm.  Rae wants to open a bakery, and I'm quite certain it would be wildly successful.  She's just got the right hand for that, and everything else sweet in nature.
So now I'm off into Thursday!  Who knows what will happen today, but it's great to be feeling well and energetic!
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(no subject) [Feb. 23rd, 2009|12:54 pm]
A spell of gloom came over me. I mourned my losses, failures, etc., on a grand scale. Then my neighbor calls. I'd asked her if she wanted to go to a particular women's monthly reading with me, and she was calling to make it a date.

"I normally ride with my poetry group--Sam's wife Ann... and Bethany..." she says, her sweet, delicate voice trailing off a little bit.

"Yes, yes, I know Ann and Bethany" I respond, filling in the pause.

"Yes, and Sam said to me, 'oh, she's a brilliant woman. she doesn't toot her own horn much, but she's brilliant' and I just thought I should pass that on, because it's such a nice thing to hear."

And it is, and the timing is perfect.
Here's my tiny horn: toot, toot, toot

In other news, in the mail today J received:
  • a letter from the New Mexico child support services in regards to the child support owed to him by his ex-wife and mother of our three oldest kids.   In ten years he's received, oh, let's be generous and say $500 in support for three children.  This is the very first time that New Mexico has even acknowledged they have a case.  (Every time J has ever talked with any child support personnel he has to remind the caseworkers that he is not the dead-beat dad, he is the recipient, the custodial parent.  Then it's like --swoosh!--their little office chairs spin 180 degrees and he gets their happy face.) Ideal resolution to this particular circumstance:  Anita pays her back child support, I officially adopt my kids, and we take a little vacation to Edisto Beach or the Outer Banks with the money.
  • payment for some of last month's work.  We are still behind on mortgages, and if we would just get paid then we would be on track.  So it's been exasperating, BUT!  the Ideal Resolution:  payments roll in, bills are paid, and easy work comes in droves.
  • an inexpensive and tiny MP3 player in a little cushy envelope.
Meanwhile, I talked to a particular Katie on the phone (elfin human with much laughter) and she's planning on camping out on our land this summer, which will be fun.  She'll be attending the Chestnut Mountain School of Herbalism from March to October, and I am so jealous, and wanting to go.  So, Ideal Resolution:  the universe gives us a windfall of some $3700 so I can do this program.
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tummy blues, blah, blah [Feb. 23rd, 2009|08:11 am]
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Yesterday I woke in the wee hours of the morning with a twinge in my stomach that only grew and grew. I laid in bed all day. Pure misery, but it could have been worse.

This morning I'm half and half. I'm not sure if this means that I'll be better soon, though, because on Friday I felt something bad and flu-ish coming on, but on Saturday I was radiant and lively.

I don't want to linger in bed all day, but can't quite sort out my options. The studio requires an uphill trek that would sap me. If I go downstairs I'll not be nearly so comfortable. My bedroom really is the best room in the house. Lots of light, double doors opening onto a spacious deck, a skylight, a super-soft bed, stereo system, best internet access, it's own bathroom... If I had a chaise in my bedroom upon which I might romantically lounge, then it would be perfect. I think I'll just hang out here today, see if I can work on a story, or read some more of A Confederacy of Dunces. 


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Back! Back! [Feb. 20th, 2009|02:05 pm]
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I woke with a thick throat. Minor aches. Bert has been sick all week, with the flu, so I'm tincturing myself, somewhat madly. I'll fight you off, you bugger! Back! Back! YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

OK. That said. Since I took the day off, more or less, to perform my Gandolf wizadry on the Belrog Bug, I decided to go ahead and finish "The Namesake" by Jhumpa Lahiri, which I'm reading with my women's group. Very nice, very nice. Her style of depicting certain details brings every scene alive. There were times when I felt the details were too much, superfluous, and other times when Only now I simply must read "The Overcoat" by Nikolai Gogol. It is a requirement after enjoying "The Namesake," as the main character is named after Nikolai Gogol, and "The Overcoat" plays a significant role in the story. Though Lahiri never tells anything of plot of "The Overcoat."

So I went online and started looking at fiction. I've decided to start reading at night. I usually have an hour or so of quiet before I turn off the lamp by my bed, and I want to spend that time more richly than just surfing the net or playing sudoku. I have lots of non-fiction I could be reading, but it just doesn't grab me like fiction does, and I end up falling asleep. Besides, I feel sometimes like I'm behind in that arena, like I'm missing something so delicious, but tell myself I don't have the time to taste it. I've become somewhat uncultured, not keeping up with music, not reading, watching only a few movies, never watching TV. This is not so big an issue for me. But I do miss the fiction. Sooner or later it will be my turn to pick out a book for my women's group to read, and I'm thinking I will choose something by Eudora Welty, not just because we share the same hometown, but also because I am writing short stories now, and Welty is considered my many to be a master of the form. But I might just pick "Confederacy of Dunces," because we all need a good laugh, and I've never read a funnier story.
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more [Feb. 17th, 2009|09:22 am]
It’s cold this morning. There’s nothing new to that, really, except that I was getting used to the early warmth of the past week or so. Really relishing in it. Back on with the coats and hats! All’s well, though--it’s February, and winter’s time is running out. That’s worth remembering this morning, as we woke to a cold house, the fire running out early in the sleep of night.

This past weekend, in the aforementioned warmth, I made a trellis for my garden out of bamboo (which I would love to show you, but I’ve lost the particular conglomeration of wires to make this possible). I also spread goat goodies in some of my garden beds. There’s a little yellow crocus in my garden, nestled in the remains of the lemon balm, though it’s probably no more after last night’s bite. I’ve also planted some greens under grow lights. In general, I’m making gardening a part of my everyday life, and being sustained by it at the same time.

But the truth is, I want to be doing more, more, more. More painting. More writing. More drawing. More music. And not get lost in the doing so much that I forget to relish the moment. In that vein, I’m outta here, and outside, in the cold, to feed my menagerie and go for my walk.
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a day to remember [Feb. 16th, 2009|09:39 pm]
I want to remember how that voice inside whispered to me, "make magic, make magic" while I walked through the gate to feed my menagerie. How the morning light was so crisp, pulling green out of things that seemed dead. How my imagination begged to be taken seriously. How, when I walked back into the house, my daughter held in her hands a book that had been shoved far back into dusty corners, a book that reveres the magic of human imagination. How her eyes gleamed. How she said, "Look, Mom, we can make magic!" before opening it up and beginning to read.

I want to remember the end of that same day, slipping into the passionate embrace of the hot tub. How my body blushed with the heat. How my thoughts wandered to living someplace wild, something I'd always wanted. How I ended up here, in a place that was maybe not so wild as other places I had imagined. How the coyotes broke into song, just then, right across the river, thrilling my heart in an ineffable way.
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